Ways To Avoid Boredom While Awaiting The Apocalypse Again


-for PG

always lead with your verbs

Indulge yourself in every obscure desire.
Vacuum the razor blades from your carpet.
Study the calculus of random passion.
Solve the erotic equations in the minds of women.
Calculate the interval between thought and action.
Avoid the affections of concupiscent cassowaries.
Remove the rust stains from your front lawn.
Count out loud all of the numbers of meaning.
Parse the grammar of flesh and lust.
Discover where times goes when it slips away.
Replay the most erotic moments you missed.
Dream of dreams dreaming dreams. Forget them.
Remember the orgasms that got away.
Consider the generic misery of umbrellas.
Have a drink with Schrödinger’s cat. Maybe.
Use your phone’s GPS to find your soul.
Plumb the depth of despair and relocate there.
Chew the viscera of uncertainty thirty-two times.
Sample hors d’oeuvres with a cannibal.
Succumb to the pernicious insanity of curiosity.
Snap Polaroids of munching maggots.
Learn the complete history of erasure.
Practice mentally conjugating unknown verbs.
Add sugar to all your bitter recriminations.
Abandon your better nature; engage in remedial rage.
Weep for the deep sorrow of scarecrows.
Stretch the infinite plasticity of time.
Become holy: announce the Methodist Jihad.
Ship balloons to the South to help it rise again.
Grow up to be president. Absolutely anyone can.
Contemplate where elevators hang out on their days off.
Locate a river you can really step in twice.
Drown in life’s frothy, tumultuous stream.
If these fail, take a nap, have nightmares of more.

If you like this piece, and can afford it, consider donating. The Muse demands new stilettos and a better whip.