You Know You Are An Old Man When…

billy mernit

Strangers, clearly over fifty, call you Sir.
Sex is still lovely, but a lovely memory.
The knees that were are not the knees that are.
You have escaped taxes, but not death.
You no longer have to follow your passion;
it found you years ago and ate your life.
The best morning routine is waking up alive.
Your life has become 90% maintenance.
The cat sees you as the protein of last resort.
You don’t sleep long enough to have nightmares.
Being called old doesn’t bother you. Elderly does.
The girls you lusted for in high school use walkers.
Eternal Youth seems unnecessarily long.
Napping becomes the best part of your day.
Express dry-cleaning is absolutely necessary.
You know you don’t know anything for sure
and consider that to be a great comfort.
You find yourself writing poems like this one.


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