5 Tips for Getting Used to Your New Name As a Trans Person
Because we can have just as much difficulty adjusting as our friends and families.
It’s always difficult when someone close to you comes out as transgender. You have to learn to see them in a whole new light. You have to adjust to a new set of pronouns and/or a new name.
There are a ton of resources out there to help folks get used to a loved one’s new name. However, I could find very few of these resources designed to help the trans person themself.
Believe it or not, it’s actually just as hard for a trans person to adjust to their new name as it is for their friends, family members, and coworkers. After all, you’ve gone by your birth name for so long that it’s almost impossible to not instinctively turn your head when you hear someone say it in public. Part of your brain lights up when you see your name written down; it says, “Hey, that’s me!” But it can take quite a while for your brain to have the same reaction to your new name.
By far, the easiest way to get used to your new name is to have people close to you call you that. Eventually, it starts to feel more natural. Until then, here are some other tips that may help:
1. Play a video game where you give the protagonist your new name.
Granted, this tip may only work for gamers. But if you are one, then it tends to work really well. At least, it did for me.
Not long after I decided on my new name, I began a new playthrough of Stardew Valley. Since I first started playing this relaxing farming simulation game almost four years ago, I’ve logged more than 400 hours on it. Playing Stardew Valley is pretty much second nature to me.
That’s why, when I started a new file where I named my character Danny, it made a huge difference. Instead of focusing primarily on the mechanics or storyline of the game as I did in my first few runs, I was able to pay attention to every time another character called me Danny or used masculine words, like “Mister,” to describe me. I noticed how euphoric I felt whenever this happened, and it certainly helped to normalize my new name in my own mind.
Another good choice for this tactic would be pretty much any installment in the Animal Crossing franchise. In these games, the characters use your name a lot. They also call you nicknames that you can choose, so you can experiment with other names this way if you're not entirely sure which one you want to go by.
My character in Animal Crossing: New Horizons still has my old name, as I didn’t think I would ever decide to change it when the game was first released in March 2020. Currently, there’s no way to change it without erasing the 160+ hours I have played on that file so far. So, I’ve gotten the other characters to call me “Dannyboy” as a nickname. This serves two purposes: to get used to my new name and to offset the dysphoria of hearing the characters call me by my old name.
Personally, I think this tip will be most helpful for games that you have played several times before. That way, you’ll be able to devote most of your attention to familiarizing yourself with your chosen name.
2. Change your name in Google Chrome.
Let’s face it, Google is everywhere these days. I for one have not used a web browser other than Google Chrome in more than a decade (except for the perfunctory single usage of Internet Explorer, Microsoft Edge, or Firefox when you first get a new computer to immediately download Chrome).
And when your web browser constantly displays your old name — or even just the first initial of it — it serves as an ever-present reminder that that’s not who you really are anymore.
One day, I decided to create a new Gmail account. After all, the email address I’ve been using for pretty much everything is just my legal first and last name at Gmail dot com. But since I’d rather not go by that name anymore, I set up a new one (it’s dannyjacksonh at Gmail dot com if you want to say hi!). Seeing Google greet me with “Hello, Daniel” when I first boot it up on my laptop is nice and affirming.
While you could do what I did and make a whole new account, maybe you don’t want to lose all of your logins and browsing history. Luckily, there’s a way to change the name that is displayed at the top of the screen without having to create a separate account.
Open Chrome and click the icon in the top right corner of the screen that has your first initial (or profile picture if you’ve chosen one). Then, click on “Manage your Google Account.” From there, select “Personal info” from the menu on the left side of the screen, and one of your first options will be to edit your display name. It’s that easy!
3. Practice your new signature.
It only occurred to me recently — at an appointment with my primary care doctor, who knows I’m trans — that I still always sign with my legal name. I’d never practiced my new signature before. When I got home that day, I decided to try it out.
Honestly, it was a bit strange at first until I realized something: most signatures seem to have one legible letter — the first one — and then basically chicken scratch after that. So, if your new name starts with the same letter as your old one, you really shouldn’t have to adjust all that much. Maybe just the general shape of the subsequent scribbles.
While getting used to your new signature might not seem like a big deal, it can be a huge step in the transition process, especially if you plan on changing your legal name later on.
4. Go to a coffee shop and give the barista your new name.
Yes, this advice is brought up all of the time, but there’s a good reason for it: it works.
In fact, it works so well that in February of 2020, Starbucks released an award-winning video ad in the U.K., entitled “What’s Your Name?” The video features a trans man who, after getting called his birth name at various points in his transition, asks the barista to write his new name on his coffee cup. His face then lights up when his name is called as emotional piano music swells in the background.
I’m far from the only trans person with mixed feelings about huge corporations like Starbucks portraying us in their advertising, but that’s an essay for another day.
For now, I’ll just say that this is a great method of normalizing your new name to yourself. After all, hearing it spoken out loud is much different from writing it down. Eventually, you’re going to have to get used to the way it sounds as well as the way it looks.
It’s also great because more often than not, the barista is a complete stranger. They’ll call you this name with no hesitation; unlike your friends and family members, this person hasn’t known you by anything else. It’ll help you get used to introducing yourself to new people.
5. Say your new name out loud, in front of a mirror.
Another way to adjust to the sound of your name is by simply saying it aloud to yourself.
This tip was particularly helpful for me. For most of my life, I had never really felt like I “looked like” my birth name, even after 25 years of being called that. But after a few months of saying, “I’m Danny” to my reflection every day, I started to look more and more like a Danny to me.
By getting into this habit, you’ll gradually begin to associate the way you look with your new name. It may also help to continue saying your name to yourself in the mirror as your appearance changes over the course of your transition.
Being trans involves going through a lot of changes, and your name is arguably the most important one. That’s why getting used to your new name is a key part of transitioning. It will help the other people in your life adjust more easily. Better yet, it will help you become more comfortable with who you really are.
