Member-only story
Crossing The Trans Divide
Moving closer to a ‘cis life’
Socialization by Assumed Gender
If I had been assigned female at birth, I would have experienced female socialization. Being assigned male at birth, I endured male socialization. Coming to terms with being trans at thirty-eight and finally medically transitioning at fifty-four, I had been under the naïve impression that this internal feminine presence existed. Almost five years into my transition, I realized that this feminine presence is my personality that was never socialized female.
If I had been assigned female at birth, I would have experienced female socialization.
The Long Con
Going through the male-to-female transition process of HRT, living as a woman, legally changing my name, having gender-affirming surgery, and altering my voice and mannerism, I thought, was the process. Go through the process and live happily ever after as a woman. Probably after losing a spouse, family, friends, maybe a job or housing.
As a late transitioning woman, I am experiencing a deep sense of being conned or misled. It’s not all hormones, dresses, name changes, surgeries, and living and sounding like a cis woman. It’s also becoming a woman, letting go of who I pretended to be and releasing all that I suppressed to see the light of day.
As a late transitioning woman, I am experiencing a deep sense of being conned or misled.
Understanding it will take a while, probably many years.
I have read books and listened to stories and interviews with both happy and troubled journies. It seemed that when the transition went ‘well’, the transgender person went through the process with only a few bumps along the road. But the ones that went ‘not-so-well’ had issues with the surgeries or acceptance. I can certainly empathize with a botched surgery. Surgeries are risky, and sometimes they don’t go completely as planned. Acceptance starts from within then spreads outward. Once you accept yourself, you can then figure out everything else along the way.
Being trans isn’t the problem…
