Do I Really Want To Change My Name?
My name is already sort of gender-neutral
I was talking on the phone to my long-distance girlfriend the other night, just thinking out loud about whether I want to actually transition and change my name. I’m nonbinary, and I was contemplating whether Ellie was a gender-neutral name.
I remember reading a short story in high school. “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been” by Joyce Carol Oates. One of the side characters was a boy named Ellie.
It was most likely short for Elliot, usually a boy’s name. Although, I have met girls named Elliot before.
But my name isn’t short for Elliot. It’s short for Ellen (well, not exactly “short for,” since they have the same amount of letters, but you get the idea), which is most definitely a feminine name.
A few months ago, I started dating my girlfriend, who is trans. In the past, I had only ever dated cisgender people, so I sort of by default thought of myself as cis. But since I’ve begun dating another trans person, I have had to seriously come to terms with the fact that I am also trans. Nonbinary, to be specific.
I was considering possible names when I thought of the name Danielle. Or Daniel. I’ve always liked both of those names, so much so that if I have kids, I might name them that.
Even better, I might name myself that. That’s one of the few perks of being not-cis, getting to choose your own name.
Danielle has the gender-neutral nickname Danny, which I absolutely adore. Ellie could also feasibly still be a nickname for Danielle.
I voiced all of these thoughts to my girlfriend the other night, and she dropped some words of wisdom on me. “Ellie is already a gender-neutral name.”
“You sure?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “Your name is whatever you make of it. So, if you’re gender-neutral, then your name is gender-neutral too.”
I was speechless after hearing this. It made perfect sense. No matter what you identify as, your name has the ability to take on that identity.
Obviously, some names are going to be read as inherently masculine or feminine depending on their place in our society and the stereotypes associated with them. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you’re a trans woman born with the name John and you want to keep it that way, then congratulations! John is now a woman’s name.
Like my girlfriend said, your name is whatever you make of it. I completely understand wanting to change your name when you transition. I also recognize that I’m incredibly lucky to have a name that could kind of already be read as gender-neutral. But you definitely don’t have to alter your name if you don’t want to.
