How Not To Talk About Your Trans Friends
Trans pro-tips for cis people
Last month I accompanied my fiancée Emma to her good friend’s wedding, and before we continue I want to make it clear that said friend and most of the other guests were absolutely wonderful to both of us, greeting us with a lot of smiles and compliments.
That said, there was one bad conversation with one of Emma’s (cisgender) acquaintances and his partner that sticks in my memory. One that made me and Emma’s gender identities the center of our attention — without our consent.
The worst part of the conversation was that the other people involved meant well, as Emma kept reminding me afterwards — they probably even considered themselves trans allies. So she tried to turn it into a teachable moment.
In that spirit, I’d like to break down how the conversation went wrong so other trans allies can hopefully avoid doing the same things.
Don’t out your friend as trans or deadname them
The conversation with the acquaintance and partner started with some slightly awkward small talk — but if there’s one thing I remember from sorority recruitment mixers, it’s that small talk is always awkward. Things started to smooth out a bit though, and things seemed to be going fine.
