Nonbinary People Are Not An “It”
We’re human beings too.
The other night, I was on the phone with my long-distance girlfriend. She said she had been talking to her mother that day about me. Nothing serious. Her mother just asked how I was doing.
My girlfriend responded that I was going to get my hair cut short soon. She referred to me as “she” and then corrected herself and said “they.”
Her mother was confused. “Wait, who’s they?”
“Oh,” my girlfriend said. “Ellie is nonbinary. That means they don’t identify as either a man or a woman. They use they/them pronouns.”
Her mother was still bewildered. “So why doesn’t she go by ‘it’ then?”
Sigh.
It’s bad enough that people won’t use they/them pronouns for me. It’s even worse when they think I should use pronouns that aren’t even meant for people.
I can guarantee that no one wants to use “it” as their preferred pronoun. “It” is meant for objects, not human beings. And just because I don’t fit into the rigid gender binary doesn’t mean I’m not human.
I understand that my girlfriend’s mother came from a different time, when nonbinary people were practically unheard of, at least in the mainstream. But still. People like her should get with the times. If my Catholic grandmother can understand trans people, then just about anyone can.
It just requires a bit of learning. Of asking the trans people you know some basic questions. Of listening to them tell their stories. Of not dismissing them simply because you don’t understand their way of life.
It’s not that difficult to learn about and even accept trans people, even when they’re unfamiliar to you. I didn’t know that trans people were legitimate until I was maybe sixteen. Until then, I had laughed at jokes about men wearing dresses. But then, I learned that this was a real population of people, and I no longer laughed at those jokes.
Later, when I learned what “nonbinary” meant, I immediately knew that it applied to me. It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I wanted to use they/them pronouns, but eventually, I did.
I never even considered going by “it.” Of course, when I was younger, I made jokes about referring to trans women by that word. But then again, I believed some very problematic things back then. I know now that no one wants to be talked about as if they are a robot, no matter their gender identity.
Nonbinary people are just that: people. Not objects. And no matter who you are, I will thank you to refer to us as such.
