The Woman Inside
For 61 years I hid my gender from the world and from myself
One of the sad things about growing up male with a suppressed internal female gender is that, all my life I couldn’t say what was in my heart. I was constantly hiding my thoughts. In the society that raised me, my penis took away any right that I had to express what was clearly identified as female thoughts.
Let me make it perfectly clear that even now, we don’t live in an accepting world for people who are transgender. We barely have the acceptance of some gays and lesbians. Heck there are even gays and lesbians who despise transgender people. So, when I say “female thoughts” I am painting my picture based on the binary world that raised me.
They made the rules.
For 61 years I hid my gender from the world and from myself. It was buried under testosterone, socialization, fear, ignorance and shame. It had a quiet voice that spoke to me and only me. It was an inner voice that I could not share with others.
It was soft and loving and vulnerable. It loved romance and beauty and the heart. It despised cruelty and meanness and hurting others. It truly just wanted to enjoy the world and the people that lived in it.
I was limited with whom I could share even a portion of this hidden world…
