Boys to Men
What makes a man? His job? The way he acts as a human being? A lot of things shape how a boy grows into being a man in today’s world. Family plays a big role because that is the first masculine role that boys see, it’s what gives them an early idea of what a man should be. Society also plays a role because they have an influence on how boys act. Both of these help shape men in a good way and some have a negative influence on them, it’s all a matter of how they let these influences shape them.
The easiest way to get this answer is to look at his father. Genevieve Vaughn talks about the position of the ‘one’ in her paper For-Giving A Feminist Criticism of Exchange, and how that position is usually held by the head of the family-the Father. She says, The ‘one’ position held by the father towards the family as many, appears to be what the boy must achieve is he is to be called a ‘man. It’s understandable to see how it appeals to young boys because they look up to their fathers or father figure and want to be just like them. In an article on pbsparents.com, it states that ‘Men are extremely important on giving boys messages about being a man. Boys want to grow up to be like their male role models.’Fathers and father figures need to be aware of what sort of examples they are setting for their sons. It’s understandable that it’s not easy changing your ways in order to change to be a better role model for young boys but it’s a change that needs to happen for the next generation.
Why do we have to change? Men feel like they have to be in control, have power, and be invincible. They have this standard that live up to and that they can’t be anything else. But why do men feel like they have power? Dr. Frans de Waal wrote in Psychology Today that men, like chimpanzees, very openly strove to become the top-dog or the alpha male. There’s this need to dominate and be in charge. This trait appears to be biological and ingrained in mammals. But something else is influencing them as well and that something is society.
That is not to say that society is telling boys to their face how they should be but rather indicates to them what is expected of them through what is considered ‘normal’. In an article on pbsparents.com, it states that boys pay attention to what society expects of them and acts accordingly. They feel the pressure from pressure and comments and act differently than how they would naturally. This is a point that Vaughn makes in her paper, she says that the male gender has to “Be different from women and grow to be equal to or larger than the father, so as to be able to overtake his position and deserve the name man.” Internally they feel like they have to grow and be different, that they have to stop being vulnerable and start be tough. Any sign of vulnerability is seen as a weakness and is ridiculed.
Boys (and Girls too) are extremely impressionable at a young age. But how exactly are they influenced by society? According to one website, there are a few things that society emphasizes about masculinity. Number one on this list was to make money. Making money means being successful in your job and that’s what if means. Be successful. That is the the number one thing that society believes makes a man. The second thing is to be a winner. The also means being successful, be successful in what you do and you will win in life. The third thing is be strong. Looking intimidating will make you seem tough. The more bigger and buff, the more of a man you are. The fourth thing is that they’re expected to know how to fix stuff. This seems a little funny that men have to know how to fix stuff. Shouldn’t everyone know how to fix stuff? Why is this specific to men? The last thing on this list is being good at sex. This would affect men in a negative way because it misses with a person on a deeply personal level. Imagine being told that if you can’t meet a set of standards during sex you’re not man. That would affect a sense of self that can have dangerous results.
What is the point of all this? Within a week there were school shootings in Oregon, Arizona and Texas. All these pressures that boys undergo when they are growing up, could have an effect on them. They can feel like no matter how hard they try, they will never be a man and have to do something drastic to reach it. I know that poor mental health plays a role in this but could stress from trying to achieve societal expectations play a part too?
