#LookBeneathTheLines
There are several experiences in my life I know will exist within me until the day I die. Some good, some not so good… I will never forget the day I went paragliding — this past summer in San Diego. It was incredible.
But there’s a day from my past that haunts me. I was 12 years old, sitting on the floor of my dad’s new house. This was a couple years after the divorce and I was still getting used to how life would be. I was feeling lonely — being an only child will do that to you sometimes — and I felt that a conversation with my favorite cousin was just what I needed. The only problem? We live about 2,000 miles away from each other. I texted him asking how things were going and we had a short chat. About an hour later I randomly sent him another text and this is the moment I remember most vividly: “Do you think I’m beautiful?”… I had never felt more insecure about myself than in that one instant. Why on earth was I asking a man I speak to once every three months, 2,000 miles away from me if HE thought I was pretty? I didn’t feel good enough or confident in my own skin and thus, sought numerous forms of validation.
I’m a 21 year old Middle Eastern woman. I’m currently getting an education. I have wonderful family and great friends who are very supportive. That’s more than a lot of people in our world can say. I am lucky enough to have the resources and opportunities deemed mandatory if one wishes to chase their dreams. So why do I wake up in the morning feeling as if I must prove something to society before the day ends…
Our society places a huge amount of intrinsic value on looks… Just pay closer attention to the advertisements that appear on screen during the next TV commercial break you encounter. I think the advertisement industry and the beauty industry are largely responsible for the beauty standards women face on a daily basis — they have mastered the derogatory art of commodification, sexism, and profiteering.
There are many empowering feminist campaigns working to fight harmful standards — this fight against patriarchy and its dehumanization would be insufficient though if we did not address the most prominent aspect of the larger issue: Eurocentric beauty standards have forever changed the way a society views female-identified human beings and as a consequence (not just a result), how a woman sees herself when she stands in front of a mirror… These absurd and offensive standards caused a twelve year old girl to feel small and worthless.
Two terms — female and beautiful — are relentlessly associated with one another. I have come to realize that throughout our lifetime, we are taught that being pretty and having self-confidence are analogous aspirations. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own body and believing in yourself — in fact, everything about those concepts is absolutely amazing and inspiring! The issue arises when we take a closer look: we are not born to believe that being pretty is the way to reach an esteemed level of happiness… but we DO learn it — young girls and boys grow up to feel as though looks are more important than a plethora of attributes such as intelligence, kindness, and passion; why aren’t these features intertwined with the concept of self-esteem in the way that “beauty” currently is in our society?
One reason is blatant misogyny. The reasons are also discussed in depth in “The Technology of Sex,” theorized by Michael Foucault, and articulated further in “The Technology of Gender,” by Teresa de Lauretis: “Hence the notion of a ‘technology of sex,’ which he [Foucault] defines as ‘a set of techniques for maximizing life’ that have been developed and deployed by the bourgeoisie since the end of the eighteenth century in order to ensure its class survival and continued hegemony.” (Lauretis, page 12). She continues, “Those techniques involved the elaboration of discourses… the sexualization of children and of the female body, the control of procreation…” (Lauretis, page 12).
The #LoveYourLines movement is powerful — this project encourages us to love ourselves the way we are — flaws and all. But I think what we’re missing is a deep look beneath the lines… what we are lacking is a culture in which self-confidence and beauty are directly associated with who a person is and not what they look like. So please, look BENEATH the lines and their apparent surface.
