Pocho
My Struggle between Whiteness and Latinx Culture
Growing up in a Mexican immigrant family in the United States, I never really noticed whiteness. It isn't that I never noticed whiteness, but I noticed that I let whiteness as part of my overall being. In school, most of my friends were white, and the television shows I was obsessed with had basically all white cast. I started to start to gain my identity as what some Spanish speakers would call a pocho, which I will use interchangeably for whiteness.
Pocho/a/x is a Spanish vernacular (in my experience) mostly used by Mexicans in the United States to describe a Mexican/Mexican-American as being too “American,” meaning whitewashed. The main characteristic of a pocho would be a man who can’t speak Spanish at all or not well enough to hold a conversation, como yo. Other characteristics would be someone who doesn’t eat the food or completely denies there Mexican heritage and culture altogether.
With my pochoness, I have been able to blend in without even trying with my white friends. My white friends would give me nicknames like Paul, Russel, and (I think) Carl was a thing. I never really had a second thought about the name changes. I just started looking away from being the outsider, and I just wanted to ultimately to be accepted into whiteness. I started to taking the second habits of white culture, even if it would make me slightly uncomfortable.
A majority of the time, I would feel uncomfortable when my friends started to notice my Mexican identity. The reason I would feel uncomfortable would be that they started to use stereotypes to understand the “other” part of me. Mexican culture tends to be whited out with Taco Bell, Chipotle, and Cinco de Mayo (often referred to Cinco de Drink-o). I would typically tried to let them down gently, without being completely direct about why it was offensive. I subconsciously would want to stay in the whiteness, and try to devoid from being noticed in the sea of whiteness.
Sarah Ahmed asserts that the phenomena of whiteness is due to the fact that “whiteness becomes a social and bodily orientation given that some bodies will be more at home in a world that is orientated around whiteness.” Whiteness is essentially everywhere, and people never noticed it because our world has been whited out. People of color, who are in a room filled of white people, will typically overlook the white bodies to find another person of color. Given the whiteness is acknowledged, people of color do not really notice the whiteness in the space. Even white people do this, for the most part, the only person can point out in a sea of whiteness would be a person of color who probably got lost and ended up on the wrong side of the neighborhood. People of color are the ones that are easily pointed out.
Granted, I enjoy a good Starbucks every now and again, and maybe a nice trip to Chipotle. But, I also like going Tijuana (where my family from my mom’s side were born and grew up), or the local Michoacana, for some tacos or pan dulces. I am trying to embrace the Mexican identity that I tried to hide when I was growing up. There is something that occurs being a person of color in America. A place where whiteness is something that is always in the background, like white noise. People of color have to chose which act (or face) to put on for the world. Should we, people of color, try to blend into whiteness? Should we try to be noticed? Granted the answer to this can be varied due to an individual’s privilege. From personal experience, I have privilege of being light skinned and a U.S. citizen, so I am able to blend in and get noticed. Ultimately, it is up to the individual on their decision to be blended in to whiteness or be noticed.
