Who Knew Being Bisexual Was So Hot?

It’s Not.

Heterosexuality and homosexuality are two concepts that are either respected or neglected. Apart from that, many have decided that sexuality can be either you’re into the same gender or the opposite gender. You can’t be interested in both. Or you can’t be into neither. Or you can’t wake up one day being into one gender, and wake up the next thinking you’re into the other. Those are all beliefs many acquaintances and peers have embedded into their minds when trying to accept the possibility of sexuality being fluid, or anything other than heterosexual.

I was ingrained with the idea that a boy was for a girl, and a girl was for a boy. That dresses were for girls, and toy cars were for boys. So when I interrupted this normalization of stereotypes with my interest for toy cars, power rangers, and ultimately girls.

Unfortunately, I hid from my sexuality for years. In frustration, I forced myself to only like boys, and see my girls as friends. But it drew me crazy. As I matured and felt the liberation of stating that I indeed did like girls, I woke up from the nightmare. The unconditional support and love I received from my siblings and friends was amazing.

But as I drove into deeper exploration of my sexuality, I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. Since the day I’ve declared it, I’ve received condescending, bothersome comments towards my sexuality. And it wasn’t solely because it dealt with being some sort of homosexual. It was a gender problem.

Whenever I encounter a boy who declares himself as romantically attracted to me, I like to inform him that I sexually prefer women, but I’m not limiting my affairs to them. Initially, I grew wary of what his reaction might be, because considering the hate the L.G.B.T.Q. community has had to endure, I’m afraid someone will verbally hurt me for what I desire. Thankfully, boys have been easier to tell than others. They’re more appreciative in the aspect that they like to question it. Not in a bad way, but more in a curious way. But it wasn’t until recent people, mostly boys, considered my sexuality to be enticing. And instead of feeling the shame I had experienced in my younger years, I felt powerful. These boys were even more attracted to me than before. I mean, who knew that hiding from my sexuality was closing me off from such a powerful feeling?

So I continued to embrace my sexuality.

But it wasn’t until one said, “Damn, that’s so hot.”

What did he mean it was so “hot”?

Or when instead of asking me innocent questions like “when did you know” or “how do you deal with the minority aspect of being bi”, I was being asked “would you consider have sex with a girl and me?” That was when I experienced a sense of guilt, a sense of shame, and ultimately a wild embarrassment of my sexuality. I remembered what I was trying to hide myself away from, this sexuality shaming.

In the article, “Bisexuality faces erroneous opposition and toxic perceptions in LGBTQ community”, Breanna Belken highlights how bisexual people are often mistaken as people who are not ready to fully come out as “gay”. She also states how bisexual women, specifically, are over-sexualized and often portrayed as promiscuous. This is not just an observation or opinion, but rather a fact that I strongly relate to.

But I wanna focus on the gender aspect of this problem. Why is it that bisexuality implied a possible sexual benefit for these boys?

Many have identified this problem as a gender-based problem. Faulting in the stereotypes of women, bisexual women, like myself, have endured this stereotype of being sexual objects. What makes the idea revolting is that many justify their reasonings because because women are supposed to be “loving”, “sexy”, and “seductive” figures. Instead of creating a space for women to comfortably identify themselves, we’ve created yet another problem women have to face in regards to sexual stereotypes. Are we sexual pleasures? No.

Every time we attempt to make sexism go away by creating alternative perspectives and perceptions on how to equalize gender, we fail to escape from the norms society perpetuates against women. In this case, bisexual women are not just being discriminated against their sexuality, but also being expected to serve as sexual objects.

Marguerite R. Waller and Jennifer Rycenga do an excellent job in Women, War, and Resistance as they identify society’s attempt of equalizing gender as inconsiderate and not well-thought out attempts.

The sexualizing doesn’t stop. The sexual jokes seem endless. And my self-esteem is declining as these comments emerge as normal.

They need to stop. Bisexual women, lesbian women, gay women, etc. are NOT sexual objects. Sexuality is not another person’s benefits to sexualizing. These remarks are utterly annoying and hurtful.