I can’t tell if my kid is a boy or a girl.

As a parent and for about 6 months before a new kid shows up you hear one question first.

Always.

What is it?

They’re asking if my baby — or future baby — is a boy or a girl and my responses fall on a pretty wide range. It’s informed by my relationship with the asker, social contexts, how much time I have, and how sassy I’m feeling etc. For example:

The expected (60% ).

Person: What is it?
Me: A boy.

More complicated (35%).

Person: What is it?
Me: Probably a boy.
Person: Probably?
Me: Well, yeah, I guess [moving on]

How I would prefer to respond all the time (5%)

Person: What is it?
Me: I don’t know!
Person: …. what do you mean?
Me: I mean, my kid seems to have a penis, so probably a boy I guess?
Person: Why are you telling me about your child’s genitals?
Me: Weren’t you asking about them?
Person: ….
Me: I know plenty of people who are a whole wide range of genders and sexes, when my kid is ready (and able) to tell me, I’ll know. But I’m pretty sure that kids can’t really know that yet. I am really excited to tell you that my awesome, almost-two-year-old is saying sentences now like “I want that” and knows how to demand chocolate….

How do you deal with baby’s and gender?

Is this something you think about?
If you’re a parent, when did you know your kid’s gender identity?
If you’re not a parent, when did you know your own gender identity? How much has it changed over time?

I’d love to read your answers in the comments!


If you enjoyed this story, please click the 👏 button (up to 50) and share to help others find it!