“Men Warn Me About Things. Women Help Me.”
“This isn’t without exception. There have been some wonderfully helpful men who’ve been generous with their time and advice. But for the most part, men tend to take the approach of warning me about all the things that will be hard, all the challenges to look out for, all the things I need to keep in mind, all the ways I could fail. Sometimes, it’s a Venn diagram as some men are helpful but also “concerned about how this is going to work.” These interactions do not frequently go beyond the warnings. They offer obstacles and little else.
I don’t know if they handle other men the same way, but research suggests not. This gendered pattern of questions exists in the funding space as well.
In the Harvard Business Review researchers noted that funders tend to ask men about potential gains and women about potential losses…
Last spring, I was so fortunate to be a part of the ONA Women’s Leadership Accelerator and, among many memorable moments, there is one that has permanently stuck with me. We’d only been in the same room together for a day, and everyone was speaking about what they currently do and what they’re trying to do. We got deep really fast. And there was a pause and someone observed how quickly we’d gotten into the really meaty parts of our work, challenges and goals. And then someone noted why that was. We had each been able to skip that part of the conversation where you have to spend time explaining your background, establishing your expertise and authority so that people actually listen to you when you get to the important parts. We’d given each other the benefit of the doubt — if you are talking about this thing, you know about it and I will listen to you and I will hear you.”
Gahhh so true. I’m thinking about how this behavior is how I know who sees me as a peer versus who sees me as secondary.
