“One Reason Women Fare Worse in Negotiations? People Lie to Them”

“After the negotiation, students were asked to disclose whether they lied. Both men and women reported lying to women more often. Twenty-four percent of men said they lied to a female partner, while only 3 percent of men said they lied to a male partner. Women also lied to other women (17 percent), but they lied to men as well (11 percent). Perhaps even more telling: People were more likely to let men in on secrets. “Men were more likely to be given preferential treatment,” says Kray.”

It’s things like this that make it completely unrealistic to ask me to “assume best intentions” when interacting with other people. Unless they are particularly thoughtful, regardless of their gender or their race, they are probably driven by a lot of shitty socialization that is going to make them behave in ways that make my life worse — to see me as less capable and less worth their time. The advice given in this article — to signal competence — is something that I figured out that I needed to do a long time ago, and it is exhausting, and it is even more exhausting when it doesn’t make any impact (ex. telling my doctor that I have a degree in neuroscience from Princeton, leading him to nod as though he has heard and understood, and yet still deliver a patronizingly simple explanation of circadian rhythm while I wonder if I should have brought my thesis with me or something).

This makes me so angry and uncomfortable with the world.


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