“Three Months Without Breathing”
“Women are socialized to swallow pain with a smile. We are taught to put ourselves last and others first, to make the dinner and then serve ourselves the worst cut, the most nourishing morsels reserved for those we do and should love more than ourselves.
Like many women, many mothers in particular, I’d had the fantasy of a mysterious ailment that would send me on a hospital vacation. I’d get sick, but not sick enough to die, just sick enough to have to rest and have someone else do it all for me. I’d get a few weeks in a bed somewhere where other people brought me my meals and no one needed me.
After my illness, it struck me: why did my fantasy of relaxation still require me to suffer? If I was daydreaming, why not make it a solo vacation I’d take after winning the lottery or something? Why did I need an excuse, even in my own imagination, for wanting some time alone, some time not serving others?”
This is a beautiful series of vignettes about a woman’s illness.
I have so much appreciation for breathing right now.
This — “I believe my body more now. I rest before I’m fully exhausted.”
Related to: Grand Unified Theory of Female Pain
