Judging Children for Fun: Notes from a Science Fair

Few things bring me as much joy as judging…

A Conflicted Love Note to a Conflicted Love Song

When I was little, I hated the Beatles song…

Happy Friends Day to Us All

For those of you that don’t live under a rock, or actually have a life, Facebook recently released a new…

Staying on the Right Side of the Glass

I’ve gone to a lot of therapy. Like, a shit ton of therapy. In my never-ending quest to be…

Finding Love (and Thanks) in a Hopeless Place

As a child, every year around Thanksgiving, I’d be asked by my classmates, “do…

Growing up City — An Assumption

A few years back, I read a piece in New York Magazine where celebrities recounted their idyllic…

End of Year Letter

Dear [Employee’s First Name],

Massage my Heartache Away

Your heart’s C1, C4 and C6 are misaligned. We’re going to have to wrench them back into place. Now relax.

Idea for Sketch

And now it’s time for another installment of characters I’ll soon be pitching to SNL.

Love, Shame, and Scott Weiland

“Oh god, no… I was obsessed with him when I was 12.” — me