That Moment in the Past
Gone by in time, but where does it exist
Why my mind remembered that precise moment is unclear. There were other, more significant moments that it chose to not remember at that point. This memory was from way back in the past.
The flower I had plucked from the school garden and gave her when I was 10 years old. White, tender, brittle. Her smile. The pants I wore that day were too loose because they were my brother’s. I had to constantly pull them up so they didn’t come off completely.
The past, by definition as an adjective, is “Gone by in time and no longer existing”. What is so vivid to me, like the flower in front of me right now, cannot be the past!
I haven’t seen her since. But that moment was snapped and captured like a negative film on a Kodak roll in my memory. Sepia tone. She in her short skirt uniform. Banyan tree behind. The old school building. Steel fence with knots.
The school moved ages back to give way for a residential complex. It is 2020 now.
How am I different from back then, if at all? My physical form, of course, occupies more real estate. As I grew, my experiences have added up to my collective ‘wisdom’. Moved cities. Changed careers. Left marriages. Lost loved ones. Earned friends.
The 38-year-old me still walks that school garden, smelling the flower, and resting under the shade of the banyan tree. I walk past several of my memories every day. Like that cufflink on the display shelf. I wished to be overwhelmed by that gift from my best friend that day. Or that photo on the wall. Taken on a beautiful rainy day, on top of a quiet little, misty hill, my mates and I had a great time — alcohol, dance, frolic. I vowed to etch that moment in myself, keep it forever. Losing vividness, now they seem like mere links to that time of my life.
Pa, you dropped the flower!
Pa! the flower is wet now!
Wait, I will pluck another for you.
I was back in the present — in the park.
The past: Gone by in time and no longer existing.
The past’s existence is in the present. Where else?
