A Sherman Colins Disorder Mystery

Rare insight into how a true genius cracks a case.

Yesterday, on my generally peaceful nature walk, I encountered something so bizarre that it prompted this:


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I’ll confess. I’ve always known that I could never keep up with Sherlock Holmes in any supernatural hound investigation.

But for many, many years, I believed I had the chops to join Clark Kent and Watergate’s Woodward & Bernstein in the pantheon of investigatory journalism superheros.

Until many years ago, this occurred:

As usual, I was lying on my couch, unemployed, when a former co-worker called to tell me of a trade magazine editor who was looking for someone to cover a very volatile story about the women’s yeast infection product market.

Who could turn that down? Especially since the pay was great!

I called my first source, and he told me he had no interest at all in talking to me about anything, least of all marketing yeast infection products. Before I could even generate a whimper, he hung up.

So I did what any good reporter would have done.

I sat on my couch and cried.

Needless to say, after that experience, I re-committed to taking a cold hard look at myself.

But yesterday I decided that I was not going to let self-doubt get in the way of the public’s right to know.

At High Noon, I packed Kleenex, grabbed my iPhone and strode back into the thick of things:

I understand how difficult this was to watch.

But can you recognize the genius in it? Taking a video from the POV of a garment pocket? (notice the deft juxtaposition of the wind and the squeaking clogs with my shadow and the blue sky).

Now, I know that if I brought this segment to Clark Kent’s digital editor at the Daily Planet, he would tell me that it fails to impart any useful information whatsoever.

He just wouldn’t be able to grasp the whole Sherman Colins Lifestyle concept. He would think I was insane.

But perhaps it is my citizen journalist’s responsibility to contact Bob Woodward.

Maybe he can explain how yeast infection products could be such a contentious issue. Or, in the alternative, why anyone would actually give a damn.

If you doubt my serious mental health journalism creds, here is a link to an article I did for the now defunct Long Island section of The New York Times. At the time, a Hollywood producer wanted to turn it into a sitcom. #WTF?

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