Gchat Chronicles: Tristan/Khloe Edition

Photo Credit: Entertainment Tonight

So a thing happened this week.

Alleged cheater. Nine months pregnant.
Grainy security footage. Reality TV star.
Below average NBA player. Maybe OJ’s daughter.
Tristan Thompson. Khloe Kardashian.

We (Dayo, Kenny, Maegan, Yvonne) discussed these happenings in real time despite being in different locales (NYC, Dallas, Argentina, a homeless shelter with good Wi-Fi..?) We laughed a lot. Think you will too.

(Tuesday, 4/10, 3:34 pm ET. Video #1 of Tristan Thompson surfaces — in close quarters with an unidentified woman.)

MAE
Do you guys think it looks like they’re making out?

DAYO
Her hand on his shoulder is sus.

MAE
And her eyes are closed, but I’m not super convinced.

DAYO
Black men don’t cheat, so it’s a “no” from me.

MAE
LOL ok.

YVONNE
That deffff looked like a kiss. Either that or she was checking him for tonsillitis.

DAYO
Another faithful black man victimized by the fake news mainstream media. #sad

YVONNE
I support him cheating.

MAE
LMAO to the comments in the Instagram mentions.

DAYO
A lot of scorned women in them mentions.

“I coulda told you sis!!” “He wasn’t hers to begin with.” “You lose them how you get them.” “…He must not like pregnant women.”

A lot of hurt in those fingers.

(Tuesday, 4/10, 5:47 pm ET. Video #2 of Tristan Thompson surfaces — entering/leaving a hotel room with an unidentified woman.)

MAE
And it continues.

KENNY
Goodness, them yams is crazy. I can only imagine the life of a young NBA star. I mean I do fairly decent with the ladies. Imagine being tall, muscular, AND rich?! Sheesh.

DAYO
#BlackMenDontCheat

MAE
LOL shut up.

(Tuesday, 4/10, 7:51 pm ET. Video #3 of Tristan Thompson surfaces — on his Lou Williams shit.)

MAE.
OHHHH SHIT. Now it’s official.

DAYO
This is doctored. Black men don’t cheat.

KENNY
I don’t see any cheating. I only seen a kiss.

MAE
People ask why I’m not in a relationship. Aside from the fact that I’m me, I tell them that I have too many guy friends. I’ve seen and heard too much.

DAYO
Guys are fucking dogs man.

YVONNE
[crying emoji] Yasss Tristan. Cheat on a Kardashian. As you should. Now why can’t Kanye be more like this? Y’all white girls want black men? TAKE ‘EM! Seriously take ’em all. [crying emoji once again]

MAE
LMAOOOO. Seriously, help us out.

DAYO
Relaxxxxxxxx.

MAE
It ain’t facts?

YVONNE
I’m so relaxed. #SpaDay

MAE
LOL.

YVONNE
This tickles my urethra. [crying emoji for the third time]

MAE
You are sick.

YVONNE
Like, Khloe. My G! FIRST you had a crackhead, THEN had several niggas who wouldn’t even claim you, NOW a disrespectful messy cheating ass nigga!!! YES, PLEASE TAKE EM ALL!!!

KENNY
I mean…what if that’s the best she could do?

MAE
Lmaoooo. This is the greatest.

KENNY
Would you rather be in the spotlight but good financially or with a boring ass faithful nigga and have no money?

MAE
Rich and single please.

YVONNE
That coulda been SZA’s loss .. or Yara’s … but luckily these ain’t shit niggas are being swiped off the market by fake white booties left to right. We appreciate you white booties.

KENNY
Even MLK cheated. [shrug emoji]

MAE
Lmaoooooo.

KENNY
Hey, I’m still looking for my brown queen. Might have met her in Miami. #BrownOut2K18

YVONNE
Your brown queen is white with a brown T-shirt on Kenny. With that said, I think black women be sleeping on Asian men (for obvious reasons) — but to be honest, they might be the most faithful niggas out here.

KENNY
Lmao. Give it a try.

MAE
Straight facts.

(Thursday, 4/12, 12:39 pm ET. News of Khloe’s birth surfaces.)

DAYO
Tessa Thompson been bae.

KENNY
Speaking of Thompsons…Khloe just gave birth.

MAE
Damn. Imagine what a fucked up, happy time in your life that must be.

DAYO
I meannnn no one died. She got cheated on yes, but she has a healthy baby. Like she’ll be OK.

YVONNE
I mean [shrug emoji] she’s still rich.

DAYO
Low key props to Khloe for letting Tristan be there for the birth. She coulda been #petty

MAE
Yea cuz I’d say SIKE NIGGA.

KENNY
I think it’s a Cardi B situation. She probably already knew of those situations cuz they didn’t just happen. Like why get mad over old shit?

DAYO
Egg Zack Lee. Athlete cheating on his girl is a tale as old as time.

MAE
At least her baby won’t cheat on her.

DAYO
Jnglsgfskfs;f fs

KENNY
LMAO.

DAYO
I mean Lamar Odom had the choice between her and crack. And he chose crack. That’s telling.

YVONNE, MAE, KENNY
Lmaooooooooooo.