Grammy Family Week ’19 | Best Pop Solo Performance & Best Rock Song
Woo! Ya boy is back in the building. GT, we back on the map! It feels so good to write again…even if no one is really reading this. No matter though! Catching the alley from Dayo and Maegan (RIP Yvonne), I’m here to give you my unadulterated opinions on the nominees for Best Pop Solo Performance and Best Rock Song.
Predicted winners in bold.
Best Pop Solo Performance
Colors — Beck
I won’t even lie to you guys. Don’t think I’ve ever heard a Beck song before in my life and suchlike, I swore Beck was a woman all this time. I was ultra confused when I heard some dude start singing and that’s when it hit me. I’ve been confusing Bjork and Beck for my entire life! Granted, I don’t believe I’ve ever listened to an entire Bjork song either but I feel like I’ve always heard or seen their names on TV throughout the years. I honestly don’t think I’d be able to pick either of them out of a lineup among your average everyday neighborhood coffee shop patron. Not to mention, my man is 49 years old and still making “Pop” music? I’m actually really taken aback that this would even be considered Pop as it’s more electronic/techno-y but that just shows the general evolution of what the genre has become.
Ice T’s “Colors” > Beck’s “Colors” and it’s not even close!
The one bright spot is the video stars Community bae, Alison Brie. Not necessarily my cup of tea (the song, not Alison Brie) but it won’t be long until this song is used on some Apple commercial…if it hasn’t already.
Joanne (Where Do You Think You’re Goin’?) — Lady Gaga
Gaga is a true legend. She’s done songs with the biggest names in music and now she’s doing movies with some of the biggest names in acting. She’s becoming a legend in two games like Peewee Kirkland. You could say that there is very little that she can’t do. It is also more than fair to say Gaga got some bops (at least way more than Madonna) but this definitely ain’t one. Now, let me say that I am fully aware of the meaning of this song and the significance of the song’s title, named after her late Aunt who’s “spirit” has made a significant impact on Gaga’s life. (Must be noted here that said Aunt died before Gaga was born so there’s that.)
Gaga definitely switched up the sound with the new album to some blues-type shit so needless to say, I have no idea how this song is considered Pop either. I mean I know Pop stands for “popular” but ain’t nobody bumpin’ this shit so I don’t know who considered this song to be popular. Gaga, you great and all, and you may possibly even win “Record of the Year” but you’ll be staying seated when the winner is announced for this category.
God Is A Woman — Ariana Grande
How in the world is God is a Woman nominated instead of Thank U, Next!? I mean this joint was solid and definitely a feminist anthem but THIS. WAS. NOT. A. BOP! At least not in the way Thank U, Next was. Although the video for this song was pretty dope, it was just another case of “Should I feel wrong for thinking Ariana Grande is attractive?”. Ariana is pretty much naked for parts of the video and it’s really confusing because I still don’t know if I like it, if she is actually bad or if she looks too much like a prepubescent teen and I need to avert my eyes immediately. The girl can fucking sing though and I can’t imagine her not coming away with some type of award this year. Just not for this song.
Havana (Live) — Camila Cabello
First off, I was ready to protest this version due to the lack of Thugger but after listening to both the live and studio version of this song, I can see why they chose the live audio. Definitely has more of a salsa vibe and to be honest, Young Thug didn’t really add much to the original anyway. Truthfully, I never really cared much for Camila, or the other four harmonies for that matter, but as a Latino, I’m all for the representation of our peoples so I’ll give Taylor Swift’s lap dog aka poor man’s Selena Gomez a chance. Speaking of Selena, I’d put Camila in the same category as both Selena and Ariana where I’m very unsure if I should consider them sexually attractive. I know some guys out there who love petite chicks but it’s just not my cup of tea. Like a great philosopher and poet once said, “I like my girls BBW.”
Editors note: I realize that whole last paragraph is straight up body shaming. Ladies, love yourselves and love your bodies.
The song is definitely a bop so this would’ve been my choice to bring the GRAMMY back home to the family if it wasn’t for this next song…
Better Now — Post Malone
Austin Richard Post! My Dallas brethren. Mr. “White Iverson” himself! Posty has been on one ever since he created his Soundcloud account in 2015. This joint is just another example of his hit-making prowess. I don’t know who he sold his soul to but this guy hasn’t made one bad song. If you disagree, fight me. He even made 50 Cent listenable again! This song is really the epitome of a breakup anthem. When he said:
“I seen you with your other dude. He looked like he was pretty cool. I was so broken over you….because no matter how my life has changed, I keep on looking back on better days.”
DAWG! I FELT that! I love when an artist’s pain is made into a hit song that we can get litty to! Austin Post, you smelly-looking summamabitch…I don’t care what they’ve said about you and even if you may not totally be doing it for the culture, you sir, will no doubt come away with a few awards after this year’s ceremony.
Best Rock Song
Jumpsuit — Twenty One Pilots
So in our last GRAMMYS post, I wrote that I didn’t fuck with TOP. My tune has changed slightly. I got to see them live last year in concert after the fact and those boys put on a hell of a show. Though they still cater to the young emo/rebellious crowd aka the children of Trump supporters, I respect these cats. They took over the world in 2017 with Stressed Out and even I admittedly couldn’t get that damn song out of my head. Unfortunately, this joint is easily forgettable and definitely not as good as some of their previous work. Seems like this was their only GRAMMY nomination this year too, which is still really good — don’t get me wrong, but compared to two years ago, looks like they’ll be keeping their pants on this time.
MANTRA — Bring Me The Horizon
This joint makes me want to jump on my couch and launch myself into the coffee table. This is what I imagined hearing when listening to nominees in this category. I actually enjoyed this song but really had no idea what the hell they were talking about. It’s always rock songs that have loud guitar riffs and thundering drums with a crazy aggressive tempo but then the lyrics will be about pollution or something. All things considered, this joint is solid.
Masseduction — St. Vincent
Bruh, this song is a hell of a trip. I felt like I was a character in Atomic Blonde listening to this joint. This is giving me super 80’s, synth-rock, European brothel, Red-Light District vibes. Definitely would’ve placed this in the Alternative category and not Rock. Nevertheless, shoutout to St. Vincent as a whole, solely because (1) she’s originally from Dallas!, (2) she was the first female in over 20 years to win a GRAMMY for “Best Alternative Album”, and (3) she was piping Cara Delevingne. That’s a solid resume if I’ve ever seen it.
Rats — Ghost
Now this is that classic heavy metal! Not that I know anything about what classic heavy metal consists of but this shit hits hard. This is definitely some expert shit on Guitar Hero. You need all fingers involved to hit those blue and orange buttons. What’s wild is that this band is from Sweden and all their music is in English. That’s just wild to me that they were back home probably chilling in their neighborhood IKEA contemplating life and decided to form an American heavy metal band. The conversation probably sounded something like this.
Black Smoke Rising — Greta Van Fleet
If you’re reading this, I bet you didn’t know Greta Van Fleet was an actual band and I bet you didn’t know there are exactly 0 females in said band. After some minor research, it seems the band is named after some old lady who lives in their hometown of Frankenmuth, Michigan. Apparently, she doesn’t fuck with the music but appreciates the shout out nonetheless. Interesting indeed. Even more interesting is that the band is nominated for four Grammy’s this year, including Best New Artist (which we’ll be picking tomorrow). I’ve actually never even heard of this band before today but I heard they just performed on SNL last month. By the way, do people still watch SNL live anymore? I just catch the clips on Youtube the next morning like a normal person.
Anyway, this song is type decent. A little more of the bluesy type of rock but can definitely picture this on a soundtrack for a Shailiene Woodley movie. This is probably one of the least rock sounding songs in the entire category but I feel like GVF is too hot right now to be stopped and will probably be coming home with some hardware.
Check back tomorrow when we’ll give our GRAMMY picks for Best New Artist & Record of the Year!
