Review | Starboy
Hello again friends. We’re back! It’s been 4 months since our last review and while the musical gods have blessed with plenty of projects since then, we gather here today to dissect and discuss the third studio album from everyone’s favorite Canadian crooner, Abél Makkonen Tesfaye a.k.a The Weeknd. Starboy was released on November 25, 2016 and we’ve been streaming nonstop ever since. So Yvonne, Maegan, and I (R.I.P Dayo) all reviewing from Dallas, New York, and Germany (we global!), bring to you our cumulative review while listening to the entire album, beginning to end. If you’ve already heard the album, this will be a treat and if you haven’t heard it yet, you’re welcome.
Maegan: I’m about to hit play and I’m so fucking nervous. There’s an uneasy feeling in my gut. Similar to the feeling that I always get before a black man lets me down. Here’s to not being disappointed — again (see KissLand).
Starboy
M: I actually wasn’t much of a fan of this song when I heard it alone. I still don’t necessarily care about it, but I like it more as an intro to an album rather than a standalone single if that makes sense?
Kenny: Respect Abel for having this as his intro and props for having Daft Punk on the production. I think this was a great track to reintroduce the world to The Weeknd. One question though, is being Nelly.2 necessarily a good thing? Is that really the highest he wants to aim for? I wonder what Nelly is up to right now? 🤔🤔🤔
Yvonne: This song makes me want to twerk my shoulders while looking around like I know people and they all respect me and my vibes. I love that The Weeknd is dancing now. I wish I could have a fake moonwalk battle with him.
Party Monster
Y: First of all, when that beat drops after the first few bars? Immediate twerk reflex. Seriously.. The Weeknd creates great dramatic stripper music! When he says “woke up by a girl” I swear he sampled rock-a-bye baby — classic lullaby. I think this is my fave beat on the album.
M: I’m good, I’m good, I’m great…off this song. JK, I fucks with this! Makes me wish I knew how to work a pole. This is clearly about Bella, no? #lame This beat goes the fuck in tho. I’m wining at the kitchen table right now.
K: 🙌🏾 🙌🏾 🙌🏾 for a girl with lips like Angelina and ass shaped like Selena…Quintanilla OR Gomez.
False Alarm
K: This song sounds like a leftover from KissLand. Wasn’t too excited when I heard this as a single but I think it fits perfectly within the context of the album though. Is it crazy to say that Weeknd is the Anti-Bruno Mars? That’s my theory and I’m sticking with it.
M: When this started, I deadass thought my Spotify had accidentally queued some Donna Summers shit. I think I like this, but idk yet. I’ll prolly be playing it on repeat by next week. All I can think about is playing Party Monster again.
Y: Yo when that beat drops, I’m immediately transported to like an 80’s music video.. I’m wearing leg warmers and doing that like bunny hop dance from the “Somebodies Watching Me” video. I like it.
Reminder
M: That beat drop?! OK, Abel. Still hate your name, but I love this track. To be honest, I have no idea what he’s talking about nor do I know what a “Silence of the Lambo” is. I’m all about promiscuity, but going back to your city and fucking every girl you know can’t be healthy. That beat tho?
K: Boyyyy, this song is smoother than Benicio Del Toro ice skating while cradling a newborn infant covered in Johnson & Johnson’s Baby Oil.
Y: Yo when he rhymes “Lo mein” with know me????? Barsssssss. So much swag and endless bars on the track. I think Weeknd is talking to all the ppl who claim he’s too “‘mainstream” now. “I am not a teen choice”..” I am not a beach boy”. I respeck it for real. Like I don’t think he ever sold out.. I think he was just trying to “swim in something wetter than the ocean” lol and by that, I mean he was chasing the paper.. you gotta go a little mainstream to hit super duper stardom.. like what super star artist hasn’t? Once you show the big boys how great you are, you can take control creatively and have big money behind you. Thanks for reminding us Weeknd!
M: But that beat tho??
Rockin’
Y: Cool track. It doesn’t really change my life, but it def makes me want to practice my fake moon walk in the mirror.
M: Hate this shit already. Just when shit was going well and we were getting back to the *real* Weeknd. I made it a minute and one second until I skipped the shit out of this track.
K: This is the perfect music to hit the mall on a Saturday afternoon and going into Express or H&M and trying on all the clothes that you ain’t gonna buy.
Secrets
M: Considering the last piece of shit track, there’s really no way for this one to fail. This song resonates with me because I definitely talk in my sleep so I’m always scared of what I’m revealing while I’m asleep. #deep
Y: This is low key disco fever weed vibes. This track makes me want to put on a fro wig and do wild dances with my arms.
K: I don’t hate this song, but I also wouldn’t illegally download it either.
True Colors
Y: A nice change from the disco vibes on the album. Def giving me a classic r&b vibe .. like the beat in the back, and that water drop sound kind of reminds me 112’s Cupid. I love that The Weeknd is giving straight vocals all through the album. Oh yea and this is a great sex song.
M: This beat is so Drizzy. Just reminds me of how sad I am that there’s no Drake feature.
K: NEED a remix to this with Drake on it! PLEASE 6God. OVOXO FOREVERRRRR!!!! Also, this song was a welcomed change. I was getting burnt out with the coked out disco vibes.
Stargirl Interlude
Y: Yo I’ve been wondering what happened to Lorde .. and now I know .. Lana Del Rey .. she’s basically a better version of Lorde because she doesn’t have Benjamin Button aging symptoms. I love that there’s a “stargirl”. Let’s see how many IG thots use “stargirl as a caption on a booty pic.
K: This interlude is so fucking jiggy. Lana is the perfect compliment for Abel. She’s basically the white female version of him. Have they dated? Had to, right? Imagine how miserable would that relationship be?
M: My first thought is that I like this song because I get a break from The Weeknd’s voice. That makes me sad because the love used to be so real. So real. I really like the way the song fades out tho. Very 90s.
Sidewalks
K: THIS may be one of the best songs on the album. That guitar in the beginning reminds me of the beginning of “The Morning”. Prime Weeknd. A K. Dot verse is always welcomed, but does anyone even know what the hell Kendrick be rapping about?? Kendrick is so good, but lezbehonest, he just says words and rhymes them and we’re all like “wow, I guess that was good???”.
M: Love this shit. Love the autotune. Love the flow. Love the beat. Really hoping Kendrick’s verse is super short.
Y: bars bars bars .. low key coming at drake? Also, I love that The Weeknd never actually tries to rap. Thank you lord, instead he blesses us with Kendrick on the track to compliment his melodic bars. Good move bro.
M: The ghetto chipmunk’s verse actually wasn’t that bad — too long — but not bad. Just realized there’s not a Drake feature, but a Kendrick one. Interesting…
Six Feet Under
M: If I could twerk, I’d be twerking right now #sorrymommy. Future just makes everything better. Aside from Party Monster, this is my fave so far. Notice a trend?
Y: BANGER! Why do all the hustler female songs have to be about a stripper tho? Like can’t she be a lawyer or something? But whatevs .. still a good track .. if I were a stripper I’d def put it on my Friday night strictly bangers playlist
K: I couldn’t tell if this was Future at first but this definitely sounds like “Low Life Pt. 2”.
Love to Lay
K: This sounds just like some Queen shit. I kinda like it cuz I’m a big fan of Queen, but I guess this truly shows the stylistic versatility of Abel because he can go from having bad bitches buss it open for him right into this fluffy pop song proudly simping over a one night stand.
M: Over this shit from the jump. This mainstream shit literally makes me wanna hurt a small animal. I miss when we couldn’t understand what he was saying. Every time I hear this type of shit from him, I think of Kenny telling the story of his roommate who said he loved The Weeknd, but had never heard The Morning. No fucking respect.
Y: I think this is the most boring song on the album but it gives me like smoke a cigarette in a pair of ripped jeans while leaning against a Cadillac in an empty parking lot vibes.
A Lonely Night
M: Still a bit too mainstream for my taste, but it makes me dance a bit so I’ll let it pass. The annoying part is I would probably like all of these songs if he wasn’t singing them (except Rockin’), but I only wanna hear The Weeknd sing about drugs, sex, money and drunk bitches. It is what it is.
K: Abel is the king of telling girls they aren’t the one and damnit, if he doesn’t make it sound so good! This song really speaks to my life and personal experiences. I might group DM all of my exes and play this for them.
Y: SOOOOO Michael Jackson bro.
Attention
Y: The beat is giving me classic R&B again. This song reminds me of this guy who tried to holler at me. He was like “I know what you want, you want attention” … I’m like “Um no .. I want food and liquor bro.” Why do guys always think bitches get fly for attention only?
K: Again, he makes heartbreak sound sooo good. Really like this beat and it almost sounds like a Kanye beat. The ending kinda sounds straight from My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.
M: The first two lines sounds like he’s consoling someone after they’ve been raped. I’m just sayin…
Ordinary Life
M: This reminds me of “KissLand” Weeknd (the track, not the album). I see me playing this on a rainy day during a long train ride through Europe staring out the window on some Tamia shit.
Y: This song isn’t very memorable to me, but it is def serving throwback Weeknd, which is super respecktable.
K: This may be his most introspective song to date. Almost ominous like he knows what’s coming and he’s acutely aware of all the things he’s done in his life up until this moment.
Nothing Without You
K: This is a nice switch up. I kinda like this settled down/washed Abel. I assume this was recorded before his breakup with Bella. Fun Fact: Diplo produced this record.
M: Looove this. I don’t wanna, but I do! I love everything about it. Sounds like it was produced by Tchami (a Tchami/The Weeknd collabo would be LIIIFE).
M: 2:45–3:10? Panties. Wet.
Y: I think every good “singing” album needs one good wedding/love song. I can def see millennials all over the world making this track their wedding joint. Good vibes, a nice violin sound in the background. #babymakingseason
All I Know
K: Future and The Weeknd. The new Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. Those drums slap so HARD. You gotta blast this at ignant levels!
Y: What do you know Weeknd? This songs giving me left over OVOXO vibes.. oh and is that Future making his second appearance on the album? Is Future the mistress in Drake’s and Weeknd’s old love affair? I could sooo hear this being a Drake song.
K: LOL at Weeknd singing about trying to reassure a girl that he’s a good guy then Future comes in rapping about killing niggas, buying bitches titties, and just a general disregard for common decency.
M: The beginning of this makes me feel like I’m back in Thailand on a naked beach in a hippie ass drum circle or some shit. Because of that, I chose to play Nothing Without You again before continuing.
M: (Listen #2): The drums are kicking in and now I really feel like I’m in a drum circle, just without the acid. Nowhere near as fun.
M: (Listen #2.5): Woah! Remember when I said Future makes everything better? I just heard him rambling and the beat is changing up and I’m back in this. His verse? 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Die For You
Y: I think it’s fair for me to ask, on behalf of all the ladies.. Weeknd, is you single? Honestly you giving off some serious light skint’ dark chocolate vibes on this album.. did Tyrese help you write that track? I want to know what kind of bitches The Weeknd likes.. if anyone knows .. do tell.
K: This song HAS to be dedicated to Bella, right? Music is so much more flames when the singer has gone through heartbreak. This is definitely going on the long drive playlist. This also may be the one song on the album without a reference to taking drugs.
M: His whiny ass voice aside, I like this. I’m over him and this sappy ass shit, man up nigga. The chorus makes it all OK tho, this shit goes in. I can actually hear Kenny singing this while driving. The chorus?! 😍
I Feel It Coming
M: Interesting last song, MJ. Feels like a lame, but expected outro. I like the Daft Punk influence tho, but #duh. Doubt I’ll play this song again. The title kinda creeps me out. Sounds like what a guy says before he tells you “you should probably take Plan B tomorrow”.
K: THIS IS MICHAEL, B! It’s like Weeknd crept into Neverland Ranch in the middle of the night, broke a window, and snuck into Michael’s vault and stole this song. I’m convinced! There’s also just something about Daft Punk songs. Makes you feel like you just popped X and are floating around an enhanced digital world.
Y: Looooveee this jam. I say jam cuz that’s exactly what this is. It’s like old school vibes ..I can picture someone’s granny tapping her foot and saying “ ooohh child, who sings this?” Grandma booties rocking everywhere to this track.
CLOSING REMARKS
M: I fucks with this. I can play it while getting fucked up. While doing work. While doing yoga. While having sex, if I got any. He didn’t break that Spotify record for nothing. I’m pleasantly surprised, aside from Rockin….I really hate that song. House of Balloons still remains not only my favorite Weeknd project, but my favorite mixtape of all time. Niggas gotta progress tho and appeal to larger markets, so I get it — I guess? ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5/5 Starboys
Y: Overall I want to say that Starboy as a full project is swaggy as fuck. Every song makes me want to like lay back in a bikini on a fur rug with a blunt in my hand.. like “look what you’ve doneeeee”. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.65/5 Starboys.
K: This was a quality project with maybe 3 tracks too many but the fact that I haven’t stopped listening to this album since it dropped is testament to that. After doing some research, I think the biggest factor of this album’s success is Doc McKinney. Doc is the producer who’s responsible for many of the hits from Weekend’s “Trilogy” including, “The Ride” from Drake’s Grammy Winning album,“Take Care”. It’s a beautiful thing when old partners hook back up to rekindle the magic that originally made them who they are. I can’t give this album anything less than ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5/5 Starboys.
Dayo: Wait — y’all really did this review without me? Fuck you guys,
