Car seat struggles
You’ve been there. Your child crawling over the car seat to get to the empty seat on the other side. Or maybe they go rigid when you pick them up to put them in. Or you don’t even make it to the side of the car. They are screaming as you put their shoes on.
Kids who refuse to get into their car seats. There’s no shortage of ideas. Wait them out. As if you can out stubborn a two-year-old. Or bribe them. That works until they decide that getting in the car seat is not worth a small candy. They want the complete package before they get into that restraint.
And as parents, we have places to go and we need them to be safe while we transport them. Safety isn’t negotiable. They must sit in the seat, often rear facing, so they can’t even see us.
What’s the gentle answer to your child’s refusal to get into the car seat? I have some ideas, but no guarantees they’ll work, but give them a try and let me know.
Play in the seat
Bring the car seat into the house and let them explore it. Giving them control over the use of the seat can help reduce the struggles. Letting them sit in the restraint in a more relaxed environment can help.
Second is letting them play beforehand and sometimes after. This worked really well for me, but I also rarely had time constraints. Giving my kiddo time to play before, often running around, high energy play time before we got into the car helped with connection. And then we’d also have time to play in the car. Often after shopping, I’d let them crawl around the car without being restrained and they’d be more willing to get in their seat.
I had the luxury of not needing time constraints often. But when I was in a rush, I found it was easier to get in the car because most of the time it was a relaxed period.
Connection and happy child
Putting a hungry, tired, or cold child into a seat can make the process more difficult. Having a snack in hand or before getting in the car, scheduling appointments after naps or early in the morning.
As I mentioned above, having some connection play time helped. Even small separations can trigger the separation alarm in preschoolers and toddlers. So the car seat can be a disconnection point. Playing beforehand helps them feel connected.
Then inside the car, continuing that connected feeling. Using those mirrors so they feel connected, singing songs together, novel toys. Toys like vinyl window clings or tape to peel off, water coloring books, or magnetic toys. Be sure that it passes the ouch test: if you hit yourself in the head with it and you say ouch, in a car accident, it could become dangerous in the car. Use soft toys, small toys. Have certain toys that are just for the car, so they are fresh and novel. Safe screens are good as well.
Car Seat Lady has some ideas https://thecarseatlady.com/travel-friendly-toys-games/
Connection is also about giving yourself space. If your child is fighting you to get in the seat and it adds ten extra minutes to get into the car, could you be at the car ten or fifteen (or even 20 minutes early) so you have buffer time if they refuse? In the morning, we often have so much to do extra time feels like a burden, but if you give yourself pace, tension goes way down.
Ears and car sickness
Motion or car sickness is real. Ear issues can contribute to this. If your child has other ear issues, have them checked out.
Ginger helps me a lot with my stomach in the car. Even drinking ginger tea helps when my stomach is upset. You can brew it cold, add a little sugar and let them sip on it.
Different Seat
Some seats are uncomfortable. If you’ve been using a bucket seat, switching to a rear facing convertible often really helps kids feel more comfortable, especially if they are an older infant. Rear facing is always important, but helping kids feel comfortable. In the summer, they might be too warm in the seat, so finding tools to help them cool off becomes important. Also, keeping the sun off their face with a window screen may help.
Stress and stories
If you head for the car feeling stressed, it will affect how your kid reacts. My friend Marji has talked me through many stories I’ve been telling myself. So here’s some of her questions about the car seat.
What is your story about getting in the car? Is there an inner (or outer) urgency? If you have an appointment or time constraints, get in the car much earlier than you need so that if your child refuses, you have space. If your child is absolutely refusing and you are on a deadline, can you call ahead and let them know you’ll be a little late?
Gentle parenting is about relationships. And this struggle isn’t just about getting in the car right now, it’s about your whole relationship. Each of those 10 or 15 minutes is setting up your future relationship, next week, next year, and even further in the future.
Fun
Overall, kids want to have fun. Can you make getting in the car the most fun thing ever? What does your little one find fun? How can you bring that into the car?
There are my ideas with some help from my GPU friends on helping us parents handle car seat refusal. Thanks for listening.
