Why Gentleness Is Pivotal to My Life and Business
Even when I’ve left the corporate world and started my business some years ago, I felt like I’ve taken the rat race with me. There was this internal pressure to be better and do better and that translated to me being on the go, non-stop.
I was pushing myself beyond my limits. I thought they were self-imposed limitations and I wanted to grow myself beyond them.
Feeling exhausted and my kids asked me to bring them out to play? Game on! A team member inviting me in for a collaboration that would have clashed with my vacation? Sure! Let’s think of the possibilities!
When things go awry, I would be harsh on myself. Bashing myself mentally, berating myself for how come I couldn’t have prevented this, am I stupid, etc etc.
The constant self pushing was pervasive in all areas of my life. No wonder I burnt out twice in my entrepreneurial life. Also, because of the self-bashing, I was often leery of trying out new things, for fear that I would fail.
How I Practice Being Gentle With Self
When I decided to let up on the self-bashing, I made some life changes that felt intuitive and organic to me. Here’s what I did.
Create lots of breathing space in my calendar
I began to space out my appointments a lot more. In the past, I jammed appointments and tasks side by side. Because of this, I felt like I was in a perpetual hurry.
What’s worse was when I reviewed my day and realized, despite the busy schedule, my productivity took a nosedive. My brain needed rest and breathing space to focus, create fresh ideas, and execute. Not a jam-packed schedule.
Inserting a “pause” and being present on what comes after
I used to feel that I need to decide and take action immediately. This applies to messages, emails, phone calls, meetings.
Now I would tell the other party (and myself!) that I would get back to them by a certain date. This “time away” is important to me as sometimes I could get excited in the heat of the moment and say yes. Which can lead to regrets later when my initial fervor wore off.
I also get present in my body to feel out the decision. Do I feel excited, expansive about this? Or is it a dull heaviness and zero enthusiasm? I’ve also given myself permission to say “no” more often… so that I can say a full-body yes when the right opportunity presents itself.
Slowing down also got me to practice using my intuition. A delivery went awry and I cannot get hold of the courier? Unable to contact a friend on the change of plans? I tell myself to step away from the situation first. Matters may resolve themselves without me forcing a resolution.
After all, it is not only through me that things can get done.
Let go of perfectionism
I am a detail-oriented person and this can get in the way of completing tasks. I could obsess over the perfect photo filter, the perfect photo set up, the perfect article. But all it did was drain my energy until I am cranky and exhausted.
Nowadays I prefer to go simple. Do I need good photos for my social media stories? If a photo setup takes longer than 15 minutes, I would think of a simpler way. After all, done is better than perfect.
Practice ease
A big part of being gentle with myself is to practice ease. For me, ease also means moving away from fixating on a certain idea or way of doing things. Fixation creates tunnel vision. And rigidity is counterintuitive for an enriching and expansive life.
What I Have Gained From Practising Self-Gentleness
I didn’t expect I would reap benefits from being gentle with myself. But given that I had enough of how I’ve lived my life, I changed. And I’m happy to report that there are benefits to living my life this way.
I’ve become happier
Because my inner landscape has become more loving and nurturing, I’ve become happier too. Most days I wake up with deep joy and contentment. The present is beautiful as it is.
My husband and kids are happier too as they experienced a happier, more grounded spouse and mom.
I’ve realized that I am worthy as I am
I used to tie up my worth with my achievements. But part of this journey also got me to realize that I am worthy as I am, regardless of what I do or have.
The way I’ve interacted with others transformed
I noticed that when I am more loving and compassionate with myself, I’m also the same way with others too. This has gone a long way in transforming my family relationships and friendships.
When I was living my whirlwind days, I focused on my business and what will grow it. These days, I make time for pleasure. I enjoy the conversation and the company of like-minded friends. I love bringing my kids out to try new playgrounds. Writing on Medium for me is a joy!
And when my life is pleasurable, my creativity, joy, and gratitude flow with ease too.
Closing Thoughts
In summary, I’ve come to believe that self-gentleness is not indulgent but a necessity for a joyful life. I hope this article on how you can practice gentleness and its potential benefits is helpful.
Do you practice gentleness with yourself? Do share in the comments below.
