Know Thyself, Stretch Thyself

When I randomly tweeted my writing goals for the year, I wasn’t expecting anything. So it was funny when someone randomly reached out to me asking me to write for this blog, some will say it was preordained, maybe it was I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that I had a hard time figuring out what to write, so I decided to look at the mess that is my life and what I was learning and this is the outcome.

With 2019 came new goals and resolutions, and like everyone else I had a set of goals I wanted to achieve this year, but it’s funny that with the new year came also new challenges and distractions, legit distractions. I am a planner, I plan for everything and I’m not joking when I say everything but somehow I missed this. I missed the distractions and disappointment aspect, as we all do every single year but this year was different. It was barely the 3rd of January and I couldn’t even remember what my goals were, it was very bad.

Nowhere in my plan did I strategize on plausible actions to take in managing disappointments and/or distractions, and it was in that moment I realized I was screwed. Surely you can’t tell me I didn’t know things were not always going to happen as planned, surely you can’t tell me I didn’t know that. Some of you are probably saying “well a girl can dream right?” or “it’s always great to hope”, and while that is true, we still have to be pragmatic about these things but then again that’s just my belief.

“Okay Dami, what does this have to do with the title?”

A lot. I was able to navigate my way out of the mess and re-strategize because I knew myself to some great extent. In 2017, I embarked on a journey of self discovery–which I realized cannot be boxed into a year–so it followed me into 2018 and will really continue for the rest of my life. Knowing yourself, your true self, is really the greatest thing you can ever do for yourself. Knowing yourself entails knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and embracing them. It requires you to have values and follow them to the core. It requires you to set boundaries, goals and standards for yourself and the people you surround yourself with.

It also requires you to stretch yourself and reject mediocrity, while always remembering to gratify and praise yourself. It requires you to be your number one fan and see your worth even when others don’t see it. It was because I had taken the time out to do this in the past, that I was able to get back on track without having to beat myself up or see the time I lost as a waste. All I really had to do was set my goals around the newly discovered distractions and weaknesses, which took a lot of effort and background work but was absolutely worth it.

“All right Dami, but what are the practical steps to take?”

It’s going to be hard but take stock. Take stock of your current resources — your strengths and weaknesses, possible distractions and how you would approach them (based on your strengths and weaknesses of course), your values, your goals, the people you have around you alongside their values and goals and most importantly how you currently see yourself. I emphasize the importance of self image because you can never be better than the person you see in the mirror. How you truly see and carry yourself is very important, but this is also the hardest part.

In a world where everyone is trying to show off how fantastic their life is, doing a self reflection is very hard because no one wants to admit that s/he is a mess or that they are living a hoax but you have to do it. It is very important if you truly want to live an authentic life, having in mind that how you currently see yourself is not how you will continue to see yourself. Also having at the back of your mind that the only way you can become who you want to be is by knowing who you currently are. It’s also very important to note that in performing self reflection, ask “what questions” and not “why questions”.

So instead of asking “why am I so rude?” or “why am I so angry all the time?”, ask yourself “what experiences have I had in the past that has made so rude or angry all the time?”. It is in the “what” questions that you find the answers you truly need. The “why” questions give you the freedom to fabricate things. (I definitely need to talk about this later)

So in summary;

• embark on a journey of self discovery
• stretch yourself — go beyond your comfort zone
• reject mediocrity
• take stock of your current resources
• constantly evaluate yourself — ask the “what” not “why” questions
• know thyself
• and most importantly, enjoy the process

Love and Peace,

Dami :)