Weight Loss Tip: Don’t Let Others Bring You Down!
What if I told you that despite your best efforts and your best intentions, that the people closest to you may be the biggest saboteurs of all on your weight loss journey? What if I told you I had a simple strategy about overcoming this very common obstacle?
It’s a cool, sunny day here on Long Island, and being that it’s Wednesday, it’s weekly ‘Clean the Apartment!’ day! As your typical late 20s male, I’m sure you can imagine how thrilled I am about doing this. Fortunately, I’ve been much better about keeping things ‘respectable’ throughout the week, so today’s work is really minimal compared to what it’s usually like, which is a time bomb mixed with the corpses on the front lines of World War 3.
Now then, back to your originally scheduled programming…
During my years helping folks to lose their excess weight FOR GOOD, I’ve dealt with numerous situations where the individual had a mental block. I’m sure you’ve seen a thing or two about that as of late ;-)
I’ve also dealt with numerous situations where the individual’s head was in the right place, but the head(s) of those that both lived with and/or interacted with them on a daily basis, not so much…
You see, us humans are such weird creatures. One thing we all hate is being uncomfortable… If you read up on psychology and/or neuroscience, you’ll discover that most humans have basic defensive mechanisms when we encounter situations that stress us out.
One of these defense mechanisms occurs when we feel we’re being ‘bested’ by somebody close to us. Let’s use YOU as an example!
You’ve started your weight loss journey, and you’ve been on it for about a month. In that month, you’ve lost 10 lbs, your clothes are fitting better, you have more energy, your moods have improved, and people are starting to notice! You’re getting compliments at work, at the store, etc., but then, you come home…
Your hubby or wife (who can stand to lose a little weight him or herself) greets you with an epic feast that just a month earlier you would have gone ham on: A couple of bottles of wine. Chinese takeout. Two pints of Ben & Jerry’s in the fridge. A couple of movies lined up on Netflix.
You’ve had a long day, you want to spend time with him or her, but you know you, and you know that if you give in here, you might undo the month of great progress you’ve made because this will lead you back to bad habits!
You say, ‘Honey (or whatever the hell you call him or her), thanks so much for thinking of me and setting this all up! I really want to spend time with you, and I have no problem eating with you and watching movies. I’m just not going to eat THAT, since that sort of food is what got me into trouble in the first place.’
He or she will say, ‘Oh come on, it’s just one night! I wanted to surprise you, and you’ve been doing so great lately, it’s alright to indulge every once in a while. What do you say?”
Uh oh. Decision time! What do you do?
On the one hand, you don’t want to disappoint your significant other. They went to all this trouble to prepare this nice, relaxing evening for you. On the other hand, you’ve made a commitment to your health, and you’ve seen great progress thus far. You know you, and you know that if you give in here, you might as well be punting the rest of the week!
Does this situation sound familiar? Perhaps it’s not at home, but it is when you go out with friends or co-workers. They’ll order a bunch of crappy food, and expect you to indulge like you have in the past. They’ll tempt you by saying things like ‘What’s one piece?’ or ‘Come on, live a little!’
I hate to say it, but this type of situation is actually a defense mechanism being displayed by those close to you. They feel threatened that you’re doing something positive for both yourself and your health, and they’re still stuck in bad habits. They’ve thought about making some healthy changes themselves, but when they’ve tried for a day or two here and there, they found it was too hard, it was too much work, and they just figured it’s easier to keep living the way they have been.
Your ability to stay the course well past where they have shows them that they’ve failed in some way, and they want you to come back down to earth. They’ll do everything in their power (subtly, of course) to get you to take a step back from your progress, and re-join them back on ground level.
I hate to say it, but with a bunch of different clients, I’ve seen husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, siblings, friends and co-workers all try to sabotage my clients. Shit, I’ve even been in these situations with many of the types of people I just listed!
You may be thinking, ‘Well, it’s kind of messed up if they went out of their way to buy me food (crappy as it is) and for me not to eat it!’
Oh, boo hoo! We’re all adults… If you feel so bad, pay them back, thank them, and tell them or someone else to eat it!
Moreover, if your wellbeing is actually important to these people, then you’ll need to have a talk with them about how your lifestyle is going to change going forward. It’s best to do this at the start of your weight loss journey, so that you don’t wind up in these situations in the first place. Worst case scenario, this conversation should still be had and understood if you’ve been at it for a while.
Sit down the saboteurs, thank them for their generosity, but tell them, ‘Listen, I’m looking to better my health and my life, and part of that includes not eating or drinking like I used to. These are small sacrifices I have to make to lose the weight I want to lose, improve my health and help me elevate my game. Going forward, please do not try to tempt me with these types of foods or beverages. While I don’t expect you to join me on this journey, I need as few distractions and temptations as possible, and it would be a huge help if you could have these foods or drinks elsewhere.’
I’ve had this talk before with my girlfriend. When we first started dating, I was on one of the ‘benders’ I’ve spoken about when I was on my weight loss plateau, and I was eating and drinking whatever the hell I wanted! I’d set a precedent early on that I was open to eating anything, and so she’d surprise me with foods and drinks at home that weren’t conducive to my efforts once I got back on the horse.
It was an easy conversation, and I’m fortunate to have such a supportive partner. I laid out what foods I’d prefer her not to bring home, and since then I’ve had ZERO temptation in our household!
Unfortunately, I’ve had clients who have had a similar conversation that wasn’t received nearly as well. If your significant other, friend or family member goes on a tirade about how they’re not going to stop bringing things around that are tempting just because of you, then there’s DEFINITELY some resentment that’s built up towards you because of their own insecurities.
This is something that you sadly can’t control, as this is an issue that person has to figure out for him or herself. One thing to consider, though: If this person is NOT willing to support you while making some positive changes, and is going to go out of their way AFTER you’ve talked to them to continue to tempt and derail you, then you may want to reevaluate your relationship with this person.
It may be hard depending on how close you are to them, but a friend, family member or partner who’s NOT willing to help you out when you’re making a positive change is NOT someone you want in your life. These people are like a cancer, and need to be eradicated.
Anyhoo, hope this helps you out! Would love to hear your feedback on this message :-)
Sincerely,
Pete Weintraub
pete@weightlossbypete.com
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