10 Short Life Lessons From Chess
#8: It’s OK to feel like a loser as long as it’s not for too long. Then you might become a loser.
Have you ever dedicated years to something you love, only to wonder if it meant anything? — “Hey, was it for something? Did I learn anything from this that I can use in my life?”
After I stopped playing chess and entered the “real” world, I had this question buzzing in my mind. My dad would remind me, “Don’t forget about chess and the lessons you took from it.” It might sound cheesy, but there’s truth to the idea that immersing yourself in one world can shape you in unexpected ways.
So, here I am to share 10 important lessons I learned during my more than 10 years of playing chess. I’ve gathered these lessons from making mistakes, both in chess and in real life. I hope you can use them to improve and grow.
Take it slow. If you are a beginner, make it so slow that it hurts a bit.
“You can’t build a great building on a weak foundation” — it’s a universal law that applies to everything, including chess. In this case, starting with the building would mean e.g. copying the best players and expecting to have good results right away. No. Forget that.
Build the foundation first: learn the rules, develop, and then slowly unlearn the rules. Everything has its right time. Don’t force it. You get a bonus in efficiency if you get a coach. Whether it’s chess, sports, or your career, a coach can set the right pace for you. My coaches always made sure I mastered each step before moving on, even if it meant spending hours on a single puzzle.
No one is responsible for your decisions but you. Ask for help from experts to make better decisions.
You’re the one making the moves and pressing on the clock. You’re the one determining your career path. You’re the one managing your time.
There’s a distinction between blaming and taking accountability. Blaming is emotional and unproductive, while accountability is functional and actionable. Blaming is “I did this because I was stupid and my opponent would not let me do this”, and accountability is “I did this because I did not consider ABC. For the next time, I will do XYZ.” Once you choose accountability over blame, you activate an action plan: How can I improve? Who can help? Do I need a coach?
Working harder doesn’t ALWAYS guarantee improvement. You can control the process, but you can’t control the outcomes.
You’ll have a lot of bad moments in your life, more often than you think. And so, you won’t find a clear reason for why things aren’t going as planned; cause and effect aren’t always there. You could spend 5–7 hours every day preparing and then you go to a tournament and you suck. Should you spend less time preparing and studying? Not necessarily.
Manage your expectations. If your sole focus is on achieving specific outcomes, remember that failure is more common than success. Instead, aim to become a better player. You are better off by becoming a better player with a good process than “trying” to win all the time.
You’ll plateau many times in life and you will not have an explanation for it.
I’ve seen many players being happy with hitting a certain rating and then getting disappointed and angry for not improving but getting worse with time. This usually happens due to one problem — wrong goal-setting.
Choose your goals wisely: Do you want a 2000+ rating or do you want to make fewer mistakes? Note, one of them is more volatile.
I once lost nearly 200 rating points over six months. I was having a bad time. I got the points back eventually. I stopped fixating on ratings and focused on the game itself. In life, you’ll lose points, jobs, and money. Focus on 1) what you can control and 2) what makes you a better person.
When you are young, experiment as much as you can. Be universal at first and specialize later.
I was a very “safe” chess player. I did not adventure into too many openings and I regret that. You’ll know me as the French Defense buddy. I wish I had experimented with various styles early on. Instead, I adopted a style that defined me for years, making it difficult to break out of later. I became too comfortable and played it safe.
Don’t take an identity early on. Instead of labelling yourself by thinking “I am a positional player” or “I am an aggressive player.” Try to play aggressively, positional, safe, anything. Learn from Tal (creative and risky playing), Karpov (positional playing), Kasparov (aggressive playing), Carlsen (everything in one).
Thinking more about thinking can take you further than solving puzzles.
A problem can have multiple solutions. Start by asking yourself why you chose solution A over solution B. Explore your options, and find your underlying motivation. Is it possible that you picked solution A because it was more aggressive, and you generally tend to play that way? Is it possible that solution B was safer but had fewer chances of winning? Did fear influence your decision? Are you drawn to familiarity?
Focus on weaknesses first, and strengths later.
I am going against dogma, so please feel free to open a discussion. For many years, I neglected my weaknesses such as fear of experimenting and being aggressive (in chess).
However, once I confronted them, I discovered that I can be aggressive and it’s something I enjoy (again, in chess). So how can I discover what I am good at?
Strengths are not revealed right away, it’s not magic but self-discovery. Being aware of your weaknesses keeps you grounded. Focusing on strengths will build you a career, but neglecting your weaknesses might lead to identity crises.
Also, the ability to work on weaknesses is a strength in itself. Don’t underestimate the power of sitting down and checking on yourself.
It’s OK to feel like a loser as long as it’s not for too long. Then you might become a loser.
Any thought you have tends to amplify with time. The brain easily starts transforming a feeling into a thought and you wake up too late with the same stuck thought every day. That’s because you made it too easily accessible to the brain.
One day, you feel like a loser, the next day you think you are a loser, and then days after you become a loser. This cycle happens fast but cannot be broken easily. Be aware of the multiplication effect, and only use it to your advantage.
If you think losing hurts less with time, remember, Magnus Carlsen is bad at losing, and he is a world champion.
Ah, the old confirmation bias. I still hold onto this thought. It calms me down until I realize that this is not reality. The truth is that losing will always hurt. It will always hurt to miss an opportunity after investing time and effort.
Focus on accepting it and letting it go. However, don’t call yourself a “loser”, call it a “lost game”. Remember, we don’t take it personally.
Life is not chess. Remember to zoom in and zoom out.
Life is more complex than a game on a chess board. Connecting dots is insightful and a way to think outside the box, but overdoing it can hurt you. Being over-focused hurts, being not focused also hurts. Finding a balance in between is what will help you become better at what you do, whether that is playing chess, being a good manager, being a good mother/father or a good friend.
Take a moment to step back from the chessboard of life and view the world from different angles. Take these lessons and adapt to what works best for you.
Thank you for reading!
Do you play chess? What are your life lessons?
