How Being Divorced Has Made Me Fearful
I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.
Nearly a month ago, I stopped dating. A couple of times my finger hovered over one of the two online dating apps downloaded on my phone before I distracted myself with something else. The regular emails that show up in my inbox remind me with daily regularity that someone would like to meet me. Once, I went so far as to open that app. The images of the men who liked my profile were blurry.
I’m scared to date.
For a few moments I considered paying the dating site’s monthly fee and restarting my membership. As I weighed the pros and cons, my stomach knotted in response, becoming a tight ball of fear. The feeling disappeared once I closed the app and put the phone down.
My gut reaction made me realize that my brief marriage to a sex addict continues to affect me despite having completed a year of intense therapeutic work. The whole experience traumatized me, worsening my previous fears of men rooted in childhood abuse rather than resolving them.
My few recent experiences of online dating haven’t helped with this anxiety either. The guys I’ve met ranged from still not being over their ex to being sexually aggressive. Others, both men and women, tell me this is normal single male behavior, which…
