I Discovered That Forgiveness Is the Road to Self-Love
I’m facing my brokenness and mistakes with greater compassion
I toss and turn. Glancing at the phone, I see it’s only 2 a.m.
Another sleepless night as my mind goes over the past five years of mistakes. Before I can stop myself, I begin to wonder what other people think of me. One particular person comes to mind. I’m sure he’s smug, shaking his head in disgust. He tried to tell me to slow down early on. He warned me that I was at risk of making the typical mistakes newly single women make. Is he watching now and thinking, “I told you so”? That now I’ve gone and made a fool of myself?
Finding myself on my own, I had wanted to prove to the watching world that I could do it differently. I planned to proceed cautiously and think through whatever course I took in my arrogance and pain. I wasn’t going to be like the others, whoever that was.
No one had warned me of the intense pain of finding myself widowed after living with and loving someone for thirty-three years. I was ill-prepared to cope as I faced one big decision after another.
I had to decide when to move out of my residence, a temporary rental. And where to go. Should I return to counseling others? I’d left my practice six months earlier to care for a…
