LOVE FOR SELF

I was a 12-year-old when I got into my first relationship,
A one that ended with my heartbroken. Thereafter,
I was a 12 year old with broken confidence, insecurity and a question; Am I not worthy enough?
At 13, I got into another relationship,
followed by another, and another, and another.
Jumping from a relationship to next, trying too hard to find the love that I failed to give myself;
looking for warmth that would help me sleep at night and maybe, maybe someone who could find the confidence I no longer had.

At 20, a few relationships later, I am up in the middle of the night, still wondering if I was not worthy enough.
I lay on the edge of my bed, curled up, to make up for the cuddles I wish I could get.
I think of all the times I loved; going a little out of my way; putting efforts, and sprinkling it with a little bit more.
I am clingy, and I do a little too much. I suppose it was to balance out for the time I couldn't offer to myself.
After 8 years of running away, I am here, in need to face myself
Still pretty unsure on how to accept me for who I am.
Guess its time, to hug me and give myself the love I have been looking for everywhere else. Its time- to shower me with the affection I had for everyone else. Its time- to learn to be with myself.

So maybe,
maybe when I look into the mirror tomorrow, nothing will be different and I may not feel beautiful.
Maybe, I will still not know how to find comfort alone when the day ends. Maybe I will still be seeking validation and self-doubting myself.
But I will go on.. until I finally know how to love myself;
Little at a time, inch by inch

And eventually,
on one bright sunny morning
you'll find me dressed in a beautiful white dress drying my damp long hair
staring into the mirror, my eyes beaming with confidence
as I say my usual,
"Tumhe koi haq nahi banta ki tum itni khubsurat lago"
except, this time I will mean it.