Believing in Yourself Again

Written by: Teressa Boone

Preface:

Teressa Boone is an Illinois-native, born and raised on the south side of Chicago. She created Amitza Media Independent, to promote sisterhood and increase self-acceptance through various forms of media outlets. She writes, speaks and discusses topics most important to women and girls — including self-identity and doubt.

Her blog discusses her own journey from doubt into confidence. She is a mother, retired military veteran, local youth mentor and author of “Bravely MisEducated: How I Lost My Voice”. “Bravely MisEducated” is a coming-of-age story about a forgotten young girl growing up in Chicago.

Her company’s name, Amitza, comes from the Hebrew language (known as the oldest language in the world) that means brave girl. Teressa thought the name ‘Amitza’ was “inspiring, courageous, loving, fun, elegant, compassionate, mysterious, bold, but not overly aggressive.”

But did I ever believe in myself? …. How did I learn how to walk, talk, or even write?

There was a time I believed in myself but what happened? When did it change?

As others may have seen strength when they saw me, I saw failure, I saw unhappiness. How can they see the things in me that I don’t see in myself?

I was about five-years-old when I first listened to the story of the Little Engine that could. I watched the little steam engine as she tried to pull the long train of cars. If she was unsuccessful, she would try it again and again until she was able to do it. It wasn’t about how long it took her, it’s about not giving up.

Watching Barney, the talking purple dinosaur encourage and support his friends and the children through sing-a-longs and dances, inspired me to join in as I stood in front of the television, imitating everyone else.

But somehow, I gradually lost these memories for several years, and soon fell into depression. I didn’t feel good about myself. I worked so much on the computer I felt as though I was a robot to everyone. I didn’t care about my appearance because, after many long nights of returning home, I was too weak to feel my body.

I built an unsteady foundation on what everyone saw in me that didn’t benefit my purpose or values. I failed at being the person that makes me happy. I became what I allowed other people to design me as on the outside while unknowingly shrinking in the inside.

Learning to Respect and Love Myself

But after several long evenings in the emergency rooms, bed rest, and operations, with no visitors, cards, flowers, or homemade food, I knew something had to end. And it wasn’t going to be my life. I had to learn how to respect and love myself first before I can focus on what others wanted from me.

I was no longer going to feel guilty for not living someone else’s dream or no longer caring what anyone thought about my decisions. God has already confirmed my existence. After I learned how to accept myself, I was able to respect and love myself, and then I began teaching others how to treat me.

“My worth became self-knowledge and now my value is priceless.”

It was time that I believed in myself again.

Have you ever stopped believing in yourself?

If you’d like to read more by Teressa, check out her blog!