Words: Why this Matters

“Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.”

I lost my mentor… my close friend… recently. She was a Theater/Media/English teacher who also coached competitive speech. She taught me many things but perhaps the biggest lesson was the power of words, both written and spoken.

I have never understood people who say “they are just words you shouldn’t let them bother you”. No, they are much more than “just words”; they are emotions, information, how we relay the most important moments of our lives to each other. Most importantly, they are how we connect.

In the age of the internet, where connections are made over long distances, words are meant to evoke emotions, make you think, reflect and inform. Do not diminish the impact words have for some misguided idea that being strong is to not be bothered by negative words. They should bother you, but more to the point, the reason they are being used should bother you even more. Intent and context are big measures in not only what words are used to harm, but also on the person’s character that is using them.

In gaming culture, we have come to know the trolls, the toxic gaming communities, the constant microaggressions and this has impacted how all of us navigate this world that we are so passionate about. For many, it holds them back from fully experiencing games or communities because for some reason, the idea is pushed that being called various terrible things or having your sexuality/gender/race attacked should be normalized.

In the streaming/gaming world that I have been a part of for several years now, there are these voices that tend to be louder or seen easier than others that say “Oh well this just happens and you need to suck it up, they are just words”. But just by uttering that, you try and erase the voices crying out, wanting to be heard, needing the allies to help by standing up and saying “No, this is wrong. The words you are saying hurt and can cause damage.”

We don’t read books, poems and listen to music because words have no power, and it is a hypocritical way of thinking if you enjoy any of these things and then tell someone who is being negatively affected by words constantly that they are “just words and they shouldn’t bother them.”

For marginalized people, words start with insults but can just as easily turn into the majority believing or stereotyping and by some twist people in power continue the narrative and propagate fear and hate into laws/rules that adversely affect these marginalized groups; we are seeing it now, we have seen a long history of it as well.

If you are a person who is not bothered by the onslaught of negative behavior in online gaming or have “gotten used to it”, please take the time to think, reflect. Being spoken to like that is a way for the aggressor to put you “in your place”, or what they deem as such. When you hear an aggressor or troll do this and say nothing purely because “well it happens to everyone”, take a moment and ponder… “does that make it right?”

Show empathy to those that may not have the ability to have a “thick skin”, or more so know that this behavior is not normal and should not just be accepted. The gaming community can do and has done so much good, but there is this part that needs to do better, to understand that gaming as a marginalized person especially comes with a harsh dark side from slurs, threats, harassment, even to the point of stalking. None of this is normal, none of this is right and the more we share our stories, the more chances those that don’t experience this, or chose to just accept it, can try and empathize that though it may not affect them, it does affect others and saying nothing gives these behaviors the permission they need to continue.

It just takes a little empathy; some already have it, some have to search for it, but it’s there and those that want to be allies need to understand that it is more than saying you’ll do something. You also must follow through and stand up for those you call friends, peers, and equals so that, in the end, we can all rise above the negativity.

“Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
’Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.”

(excerpts from “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou)