Into the Gutter

A Poem

“Pandemic_0920” by sjfbetty

My grey thoughts hit the grey walls of the buildings.
We share the same holes and a malnourished sustenance
Plastering what we can, when we can, with the resources we have.

We celebrate the tiny victories, an open window, a weed pushing
Against the concrete.
The ups and downs of the streets remind me of life and how I should
Be able to hold tighter to the metal handle that keeps me in my seat.
I see so many faces enjoying the thrill, the chill on their spines
While I’m almost not there at all, nearly giving in and flying.
Sometimes I think it would be more comfortable to rely
On the steadiness of being down.

The congested tunnels of my veins hurt, there’s too much trying
To go by at once.
I try to hold one idea, then another, but they all slip from my hands
Into the gutter, irretrievable.
Perhaps that’s why this city looks so disgusting and disgusted,
Heaped of lost ideas and good intentions that no one wants to pick
Back up.

My mind meets the scalding sun that reminds me
I’m not dreaming anymore.
No, this is reality and I have to face it
Pay its tools
Stand in traffic
Buzz to everyone as if it was their fault
That nothing happens anymore.
A caterpillar of anger and rush bites my arms
And makes me do the most terrible things,
Break the most precious things,
Hate the most impeccable things.

The more I try to distinguish myself from this place
The more I resemble the fractured walls.
The more the soles of my feet stick to the fresh, hot tar;
And if I try to run, my tendons might give in, split and
Swing inside my body like old rubber bands.
I want to prove myself to be different yet I’m
Infuriated, dirty and hollow just the same.
The rent of my bones is going up,
What an expensive neighbourhood I have become.
And I fear any day now I might be evicted
Into the gutter
Where no one wants to be around.

© 2020, Giulia de Gregorio Listo. All Rights Reserved

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