Enabling Kids — Gratitude is not an act but a habit
One of the common questions every parent encounters is “ What do you want your child to be when she grows up”. My answer usually ranges from “oh anything she wants to be” or “ anything that makes her happy”. But when I really think about what I truly want for my 10-year-old, I usually have a very firm and clear thought — I want her to be a good human being. Empathy and being considerate of others should be the essence of her. We as a family have also realized that it is not easy teaching gratitude and empathy to a young child.
At every stage of her life, we always wonder — are we raising a good human being?
Every parent tries to inculcate a sense of gratitude in their kids thereby placing a building block in creating a better human being. In a highly commercialized world, this is difficult for many reasons including birthday parties, foreign holidays and the television that the kids are exposed to. Unless we consciously and constantly expose them to the world of the “not so privileged” they are not going to truly understand what they need to be grateful for and why they need to share. I realized this disparity when I saw my daughter become upset when she saw beggars on the street when we visited our hometown. And it was then that we understood that as parents we need to think about the approach towards enabling her in her journey towards becoming a better human being. Every household is different and every child understands at its own level. To create your own plan of
action, here are some guidelines. We have implemented some of these in our own home and some of these are from what I have seen work with other kids.
Are we ready — yet?
Each child understands emotions and feelings at different wavelengths. A parent needs to be aware of how a child understands needs and wants and how can that be connected to benefit or impact a third person. A child may understand hunger as “when I am hungry” but it needs a certain level of
maturity to understand another person’s hunger and an even higher level of understanding to arrive at “how can I help?”. Talk to your child to know where he or she is currently. You can use various talking points such as news about natural disasters, a situation in the family, a scene during a holiday trip or fundraising campaigns they see on the internet. Share a fundraising page like this one to help explain in real life. Determining this will help you to ensure that you do not expose your child to concepts which are beyond their understanding and hence would have no meaning or impact. For example, taking a child to visit an old-age home would just be a day trip if they cannot comprehend what problems those elders face — e.g loneliness, lack of family support. Taking them to a pet rescue centre may be a better choice until they are ready as they would relate better to animals at a younger age.
Early Beginnings
Charity begins at home and should be a shown as a way of life from a very young age. In our home, we do a clothes and toys gathering every six months. We ask our daughter to identify and pick clothes and toys she no longer uses which are in a good condition. We explain why we do this exercise and include talking points on who these clothes go to, how they would appreciate her gesture, what it means to give away these things and as she advances in age, it is interesting to note her questions are growing too. From the initial “who gets these toys?” to “do I really need more toys?” or “why cant we buy them new things?”. Keep your answers ready as these conversations help them to create connections between their action to the results and the emotions behind them. Show your children fundraising pages like this to explain how important clothes and how much some people struggle to dress themselves.
Keep Talking
We look for opportunities to explain to kids exactly what it means to be privileged. One of the early discussions at our dinner table was on food wastage. Kids needed to understand that there is a lot of hard work behind every grain of rice on our plate. It is easy to pile up food on a plate and
push it away when we do not fancy it. While it’s a choice for some, the same plate of food is luxury to a lot of people around the world. This discussion has come up many times and from early days when my daughter used to respond with “oh you can then give this broccoli to those starving poor people” to then coming up with ideas to reduce food wastage it has helped in instilling strong principles in her towards food wastage. This fundraising page helped us to explain those in need, and how we as a family could do our part to help. We pick up talking points from many situations to explain gratitude, kindness, thinking from another person’s perspectives, walking in other’s shoes and being considerate. The devastation
from Irma, the refugee situation in Europe, why helpers leave family to work in Singapore, whether we need to buy new shoes not because they are the trend or because we actually need them etc. We highlight what it means to be grateful for something, to be considerate to those less fortunate and the ability to do this without expecting praise or anything else in return.
Choosing a platform
Every year, choose a platform to showcase your gratitude, allow your child to be a part of the decision making process. Let them choose which fundraising cause they would like to support for the year. It can be pet rescue or it can be helping elders. They can even plan a fundraising event to support their cause. Guide them in choosing according to their age and maturity and show them the ropes on how they can show support.
One step at a time
If you find yourself unable to decide on a plan or to sustain long term plans, you can keep it simple. Start with small activities that can be implemented easily. My friend helped her son create a fundraising plan by setting up an auction of his artwork amongst family. The funds raised were sent to a local orphanage to help buy art supplies. The auction has evolved into a family
ritual and the child enjoys the appreciation of his hardwork while gaining the pride to see his efforts supporting a cause. One of my colleagues shared that a simple way to encourage kids towards charity is having a charity box/jar at home. Kids get paid for chores or for a job done well. 10% of what they get goes into the jar and used at the end of the year towards a charitable fundraising cause of their choice. Always ensure that your children have a choice in where the funds they have raised go: let them help you choose a fundraising cause. For example, if it is to donate towels to a pet centre, they go
to the shop, use the money to purchase towels and are then taken to the pet rescue home to hand over the towels by themselves. This shows a tangibility to their act and inspires them to do more.
Kids are naturally sensitive and have a unique perception about the world around them. With simple steps, we can introduce them to seeing the world through the eyes of others and to enable them to embark on their own journey of making the world a better place.
Together we can create an entire generation that learns to be the change they want to see, a generation that is more aware of their fellow beings and understands that gratitude is not an act but a habit.
By Aishwarya Ananth
