SUCCESS STORY

Brene Brown: Using Vulnerability and Connection to Achieve Success

By Jessica Mack | Psychology Major, Social Welfare Studies Minor

Cue the mental breakdown. Brene Brown stares at the piles of research in front of her in disbelief. Data was supposed to be the one concrete, factual thing in her field. How could the numbers betray her? Six years ago, she embarked on a one year research project to prove that vulnerability hinders our personal and professional success. Now, she gawks at thousands of pieces of evidence that prove the exact opposite. The numbers cannot lie, the research is not wrong, she is. She paces her home office frantically as her husband hustles their two young children out the door for a weekend at Grandma’s house. Brene, faced with her own disappointments, decides to dig into what it means to be vulnerable, what role vulnerability plays in both personal and professional relationships, and why it is working so well for those that utilize it (Brown, 2010, 11:24).

Brene’s mental breakdown spiritual awakening opened the door for people around the world to harness the power of vulnerability. Brene Brown not only created a powerful theory of vulnerability and success, but she is a living example of Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers theories on connection and taking risks.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” (Roosevelt, 1910)

This quote prefaces Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, it also appears in her first TED conference appearance. The quote, taken from a speech given by Theodore Roosevelt, exemplifies everything it means to be courageous. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean sitting in a puddle of your own tears and giving up, it is showing up and allowing yourself to be seen. In order to be truly brave and courageous, you have to be truly vulnerable. Faking bravery is possible through rudeness, cynicism, and mockery, but it won’t get you very far. Stepping into the arena and daring greatly embodies bravery. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness” (Brown, 2015). Your preconceived notions of vulnerability are wrong, and it’s time to start looking at it as a strength rather than a weakness. The only thing separating you from success could very well be getting in touch with your inner man (or woman) in the arena.

Christopher Langan starts his days with the sunrise. The smell of bacon and eggs fills his quaint home in rural Missouri. His wife Gina is cooking breakfast, and he hears the horses neigh from the barn adjacent from the kitchen window. Langan lives the quiet life of a small town horse rancher, he also happens to be the smartest man in America. His IQ shoots off the charts at 200. He created his own “Theory of Everything” named the Cognitive Theoretic Model of the Universe (CTMU), which is a new way of understanding the universe, on par with the heliocentric model in the 16th century. So what is Langan doing owning a horse ranch in rural Missouri you ask? Well, as it turns out, it takes much more than brains to be successful (Gladwell, 2011, p. 69–73).

Stanford University researcher Lewis Terman performed a study to round up children with the highest IQ scores in California. He tested schools from all over the area and pulled students that scored over 140 and placed them into an experimental group he called his Termites. Terman observed his Termites for almost 30 years, keeping up with their professional accomplishments and academic growth. He was disappointed to see that longitudinal statistics proved none of his geniuses achieved great success, yet none failed miserably. The Termites earned very decent lives for themselves. They held respectable jobs, started families, and achieved the American Dream. Terman deemed them all mediocre and was disappointed with their achievements. However, some of the children he rejected from his study went on to be Nobel Prize winners (Cravens, 1992, p. 183–189). Who lets Nobel Prize winners slip through the cracks? Well, anyone in his shoes would have done the same thing.

By focusing solely on academics, one can forget there are many other things that make up a well-rounded person. In this case, focusing on connections. It has been found that many academically gifted students lack social proficiency. This means that while they are geniuses, they aren’t effective communicators. The exception to the rule of unlikable geniuses, is a man named Robert Oppenheimer. Like Langan, he ranked at the genius level. Unlike Langan, however, Oppenheimer displayed impeccable social skills which propelled him into unfathomable success (Gladwell, 2011, p. 76–79).

Christopher Langan could have achieved incredible success, but two situations ruined his college career. The first was losing a scholarship to Reed College after his mother forgot to file the necessary paperwork. He dropped out and worked a few labor intensive jobs before deciding to give higher education another shot at Montana State University. This time Langan’s academic career was cut short when his car broke down and he was unable to reach an agreement with administration to rearrange his schedule. Both of these problems could have easily been solved by the administration, had Langan come to them authentically, rather than just telling them what they needed to do for him without any explanation. With Langan’s high IQ, he assumes that when he needs something others will understand without explanation. Langan has little patience for people with lower intelligence in authority positions, and he comes off as very abrasive and rude. Several interviews with Langan evidence his complete lack of respect for those that are not considered members of the high IQ society. Since Langan lacks empathy and relatability, the administration did not fix his problem because they did not want to (Gladwell, 2011, p. 93–94).

Langan’s inability to communicate cost him not only a college degree, but credibility and reliability to back up his ideas for the rest of his life. He is still trying to get his theory of the universe published, but with no college education and no likability factor, no one wants to publish his works. Christopher Langan may have been able to achieve the same levels of success as Oppenheimer if he were more charismatic.

Caroline Sacks ripped open the large manilla envelope from Brown University and screamed with enthusiasm as she read, “Congratulations!” Her biggest dream had come true. This was the beginning of an incredibly successful career for Caroline, or so she thought. Caroline was undoubtedly a very bright student. She had achieved perfect grades since kindergarten. She also participated in many extracurricular activities and prided herself on being a team player. Naturally, Caroline attended Brown with the impression that since she was going to an ivy league school, she would be successful. What Caroline didn’t know, was how easily she would fall victim to the theory of perceived success (Gladwell, 2013, p. 69–70).

A study published in Gifted Child Quarterly in 2014 showed that in order to achieve success in a pool of academically talented peers, you must feel that you are just as academically talented. This is referred to as the small fish big pond/big fish small pond theory in Malcolm Gladwell’s David and Goliath. In other words, to be successful in any pond, you must feel like a big fish. The study showcased how students performed in relation to their perception of the success of their peers (Cravens, 1992, p. 183–189).

Compared to state university students, Caroline ranked at the absolute top of the class. Without a doubt she is a smart girl, but at Brown Caroline ranked among the bottom half of the class. So even though Caroline is incredibly academically gifted, because her immediate peers are more academically gifted, she feels very inadequate, which in turn makes her perform even worse. In the perceived success study, when students felt they were on par with their peers they succeeded, even excelled because it evoked some positive competition. However, when students felt inadequate, their success dwindled because their self-esteem was low and there was no motivation to work hard when they were severely lacking the same skills that everyone else around them had. If anything, this encourages students to withdraw. In cases like these, Caroline’s success could have flourished, had she connected with peers from the lower half of the class like herself (Wilson, Siegle, McCoach, Little, & Reis, 2014, p. 111–126). “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” (Brown, 2015, p. 15)

If Caroline embraced the fact that she was no longer at the top of her class and found others willing to admit the same fact, one can infer that she would have graduated from Brown in her desired major rather than dropping out due to feelings of inferiority (Gladwell, 2013, p. 79).

Vulnerability is a huge element of connection and connection is a huge element of success. We see this played out in our everyday lives. We are often unwilling to connect with people who show no authenticity in their interactions with us, and likewise no one will want to connect with us if they feel we lack authenticity and honesty with them. This is where vulnerability comes into play. We need to practice being vulnerable in our personal relationships because vulnerability is the key to meaningful connection. In our professional relationships, vulnerability is vital because it evokes change and honest interactions which leads to creativity and change. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” (Devita-Raeburn, 2014, p. 117–122)

Brene Brown gives an insight into the world of vulnerability through real world situations. Her real world experience stems from her extensive research on vulnerability. She sat down with countless numbers of people as well as read through countless testimonies of participants’ thoughts, feelings, and fears towards vulnerability. The most striking example of vulnerability came from a young man who said vulnerability was sitting down with his wife with stage four breast cancer and making plans for their young children. Anyone claiming that vulnerability is cowardice is not thinking of true vulnerability (Brown, 2010, 15:10).

The power to live vulnerably drastically impacts all of our relationships. When we live vulnerably, we open the door to connection. “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” (Brown, 2015, p. 134) Connection can open the door to multiple opportunities that attribute to both personal and professional success.

In 2010, Brene Brown woke up with a pounding vulnerability hangover. What had she just done? Why did she think it was a good idea to talk about vulnerability at the TEDx conference? She lost it. It wasn’t enough that she went through years of painstaking research proving herself wrong, now she spoke about it in front of 500 people. Five hundred people witnessed her slide with the words “mental breakdown” in bold print linger behind her as she told everyone about her failed theory. That’s when she was told her TED talk would be going up on YouTube. She called her best friend over to process the situation. Brene and her friend start reminiscing about leaving embarrassing voicemails on their boyfriends’ phones in college and breaking into their dorm rooms to delete them. Then it dawns on her that she is considering breaking into YouTube and stealing her video before it is posted. Brown turned to her friend and declared, “if 500 turns into 1,000 or 2,000, my life is over.” (2012, 2:15)

The video of Brown’s TEDx talk on the power of vulnerability as of today has nearly 20 million views. She originally did not want to speak at the TED conference at all, let alone on vulnerability, but by doing so she dared greatly. Brene dared to be vulnerable in front of millions of people and by doing so connected with those around her. Her research on vulnerability shot her into incredible success. She now offers a certification program for helping professionals such as social workers, psychologists, counselors, etc. to become knowledgeable in utilizing vulnerability to achieve personal and professional success. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” (Brown, 2015, p. 167) Brene Brown not only found an incredible revelation about connection through her research, but she propelled her own success into whole-hearted living by applying what she learned from that research. No matter what, you have to show up, you have to allow yourself to be seen, and you have to dare greatly (Brown, 2012, 19:18).

WORKS CITED

Brown, B. (2010, June). The power of vulnerability. [Video file]. Retrieved from www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

Brown, B. (2012, March). Listening to shame. [Video file]. Retrieved fromhttp://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame

Brown, B. (2015, April 7). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Penguin Publishing Group.

Cravens, H. (1992, February 1) A scientific project locked in time: The Terman Genetic Studies of Genius, 1920s-1950s. American Psychologist, 47 (2), 183–189.

Devita-Raeburn, E. (2014, July). No More Wonder Woman. Good Housekeeping, 258 (7),117–122.

Gladwell, M. (2011, June 7). Outliers: The Story of Success. Little, Brown and Company.

Gladwell, M. (2013, October 1). David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants. Little, Brown and Company.

Roosevelt, T. (1910, April 23). Citizenship in a Republic. Speech presented at the Sorbonne. Paris, France.

Wilson, H. E., Siegle, D., McCoach, D. B., Little, C. A., & Reis, S. M. (2014). A Model of Academic Self-Concept: Perceived Difficulty and Social Comparison Among Academically Accelerated Secondary School Students. Gifted Child Quarterly, 58 (2), 111–126.