The exact life you want can be achieved by following your own values and purpose.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Do you remember the first time you answered that question?… What about the last time?
How close — or far away — are you now from those answers you’ve given in the past?
The first time I gave a genuine answer to that question was in third grade. Back then, I wanted to be a singer. Singing along with every and any song I knew was (and still kinda is) my favorite hobby. It was an activity I picked up all on my own and loved, so it was the only thing I pictured myself doing as a grown up.
“I want to be a singer” was the standard answer for a few years after third grade. When my family would ask me, and I would give my reply, they initially sounded excited for me.
Eventually, that excitement on the surface turned into “Oh! A singer, huh? Don’t you want to become a doctor?… a nurse?… a lawyer?… something else?”
“No, I don’t like any of those. I like singing and music.”
“Ah-ah, a singing job or a music job won’t give you good money though. You need to have a good job to make good money when you’re an adult… like becoming a doctor!”
“Oh… Okay.”
My younger self was raised on the notion that we’re to listen, respect, and obey our elder relatives, no matter what. The more my family gave these suggestions in reaction to hearing what I wanted to be, the more I began convincing myself, “they must know better, so they must be right.”
I resorted to answering “I don’t know what I want to be yet,” because I was fed up with hearing my own family step on my dreams, essentially. I had no idea, because deep down, I knew I didn’t want to give up the choice to do what I love. I didn’t want to give a “wrong” answer, so I stopped trying to give one at all. I didn’t even have a single clue of what other skills or interests I had that could turn into a “good job” by my family’s standards.
Throughout high school and college, even though I was meeting my family’s expectations — getting good grades, going to a good college, working towards a degree — I still felt completely aimless. I still didn’t have any interests in much else other than singing and music, and even my “declared major” of Psychology felt like a half-hearted, rushed decision. It never became easier to figure out what my future would look like, even with all the different career paths and fields I was being introduced to.
My teenage years into my early twenties were some of the toughest and darkest mental periods of my life, all from thinking that my sense of self was dependent on my external world, and what other people expected of me. Because of this, I started giving the answer, “When I grow up, I just wanna be happy.” (Dramatic, much?) Unknowingly, I was living my life for everyone else in it, except myself. I suppressed any kind of authentic drive or motivation for success that I had, all because I convinced myself for far too long that my own hopes, dreams, wants, or needs didn’t matter enough to really amount to anything.
The first two years of college only made that pressure I put on myself grow worse. I was overwhelmed with my own perceived worthlessness and self-directed negativity that I ultimately started having suicidal thoughts, and also started to self-harm. At this new low, I sought out professional help for the first time, where I found out that all those years of increasing self-doubt, hating myself, and almost no sense of self-worth or purpose were the perfect catalysts for depression and anxiety — two things that traced all the way back to my childhood fears, worries, and insecurities.
I really wish I could say that my life instantly turned around for the better once I found out I had depression and anxiety. In actuality, it took me 6 years to finally get to that brighter spot and see for myself that I do have a purpose, because I live by values that do matter to not just myself, but to my external world too.
Within those 6 years, I got into my first relationship, decided I was “fine” without therapy, [barely] earned a bachelor’s degree, explored different career options, started making my own living, let my depression & anxiety takeover my life again, and restarted therapy during the COVID pandemic… all while still trying to figure out the exact career path I wanted to be on. I had to learn, un-learn, and re-learn so many different concepts and beliefs I had about myself, school, work, people, relationships, friendships, and society as a whole… this list continues to grow each day.
If I hadn’t had a mental health relapse during the pandemic, I wouldn’t have restarted therapy; and had I not restarted therapy, I never would have found my true self.
In that time of major healing, I rediscovered my passions for not just music and singing, but even more surprisingly, I discovered deeper passions for understanding, connecting, and celebrating human emotions & individuality.
Who knew that hurriedly declaring Psychology as my college major would lead to the exact field of knowledge and insight needed for my breakthrough later in life?
Beneath my love for music and singing was how much I loved how songwriters were able to figuratively reach out a hand and say “I’ve been there too, you’re not alone,” merely by channeling their emotions into lyrics and melodies that tell a story. These songs can reach dozens, thousands, or millions of strangers who are able to relate to a song, or relate to the artist that wrote them, and feel seen, heard, and understood — without ever actually communicating with anyone (if you’ve ever seen one of your favorite artists perform live, you’ll have experienced this first-hand).
I reconnected with my love of music and singing, and channeled my core values of compassion, empathy, and harmony to come up with my own life’s purpose. Doing so unlocked the lessons and reflections I needed to finally establish lifelong happiness, too.
While I possess no songwriting or music-composition skills, I do know my true self, motivations, and core traits a lot better now.
I still can’t tell you exactly what I want to be when I grow up, or even where I see myself in the next five years.
I do know now though, that my purpose is: To the best of my ability, leave any place, anything, or anyone I connect with in a better condition than how I found them, regardless of industry, job title, salary, or location.
As long as I’m doing something in my life or career that fulfills this purpose, I see it as getting to do something that makes me feel connected with others and myself, and to my core, that will always be something I’ll love to do, anyday.
Very fortunately, I get to say I’ve been living out my purpose this whole time, I just never realized it until now.
All the jobs I’ve sought out and held for myself have been service or collaborative roles where my main responsibilities include working with others who need assistance, leadership, or improvement. None of these jobs have been office nor desk jobs; none of these positions have even been full-time, either. Yet, I’m perfectly content, grateful, and at peace with where I’m at in life and the person I’m growing into everyday.
I know that the road ahead will inevitably have its twists, turns, stops, and crashes all the same. Even so, I’m still more excited for the uncertain future than I ever have been — depression and anxiety still in tow as the nagging backseat drivers too. The life, career, or future you want won’t happen if you keep letting your fears and worries take the wheel. You’ll never get anywhere if you’re constantly searching for direction or purpose.
Sometimes, the right path in life is the one that we pave for ourselves: one that’s set once we’re able to connect with our true selves and the values we choose to live by.
