7 Hilarious Reasons Why You Should Never Move to Portugal (But Seriously, You Should!)
Ah, the timeless question: “Should I pack my bags and move to Portugal?” As the manager of a buyer’s agency in Portugal, I must admit, I often find it hard to resist a dash of playful sarcasm. So, when a client asks me that very question, I can’t help but respond “It’s an absolutely terrible idea, my friend!” I mean, who would want to live in a country where it never snows (unless you live in specific regions in the north), the wine is cheap and delicious, seafood is everywhere, the summers are hot, everyone speaks English fluently, and there are public holidays and festivities galore? It sounds like a nightmare, doesn’t it? But hey, if you’re into all that, then Portugal might just be the perfect place for you!
Buckle up for the top 7 sarcastic reasons why you should never consider moving to this delightful country:
- Winters are mild. It is no Arendelle here!
Oh no, no snow in Portugal! How will you survive without freezing temperatures and shoveling snow every morning? If you’re a summer lover and despise cold weather, Portugal’s lack of snow might just ruin your dreams. However, some snow can be found up north, if you look really hard for it. So, if you enjoy warm, sunny days all year round, with no need for snow boots or scraping ice off your windshield, Portugal is definitely not the place for you!
2. Cheap and high-quality wines:
Beware, wine enthusiasts! Portugal is known for its incredible selection of affordable, top-notch wines. From the lush vineyards of the Douro Valley to the Alentejo region, where winemakers magically turn grapes into liquid gold, you’ll find yourself tempted to sip wine at all hours of the day. If you prefer overpriced and mediocre wine, then stay far away from Portugal!
3. Delicious seafood available everywhere
Ah, the horror of having fresh seafood available everywhere you go! If you have an aversion to the delectable flavors of shrimp, octopus, or clams, Portugal might pose a slight inconvenience. But fear not! You can always stick to other delicious options like bitoque (steak with egg) or chicken. Just be prepared to miss out on the mouthwatering delights of Portugal’s coastal cuisine.
4. Summers are hot:
If you can snooze away happily with a fan or air conditioning blasting during those sweaty summer nights, then congratulations! You’ve hit the jackpot because Portugal is famous for turning up the heat in the summertime. If you can’t then forget about getting a good night’s sleep! Instead, embrace the heat and head to the beach to cool off. Who needs comfortable sleep when you can have an eternal summer party?
5. Good luck finding a spot to park a car:
Attention, fitness enthusiasts! In Portugal, finding a parking spot can be a Herculean task. But fear not, because this inconvenience is just a sneaky way to get you to exercise more. Prepare to walk through charming narrow cobbled streets, stumble upon hidden gems, and get those steps in while discovering unexpected wonders of the Portuguese daily life. If you are in Lisbon, their lovely historical trams will take you everywhere and there also plenty of buses and metro in Porto too.
6. Everyone speaks English fluently:
Do you want to learn how to speak Portuguese? Well, the locals are so fluent in English that it might actually hinder your language-learning journey. If you’re looking for a challenge or enjoy the feeling of being lost in translation, then Portugal’s English proficiency will surely disappoint you.
7. Public holidays and festivities:
Imagine a country where people actually take time off work to celebrate and have fun! In Portugal, public holidays and festivities are a way of life. From traditional saints’ days to historical commemorations, the Portuguese love to party. If you value your precious sleep and don’t want to be bothered by lively festivities that go on late into the night, then Portugal is definitely not the place for you!
So, there you have it: 7 sarcastic reasons why you should never, ever, ever consider moving to Portugal. From the lack of heavy snow and abundance of affordable wine to the daily presence of mouthwatering seafood and scorching hot summers, Portugal is truly a terrible place to call home. But if you’re someone who enjoys sunny weather, delicious cuisine, vibrant celebrations, and the joy of exploration, then Portugal might just be your dream destination. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
