10 Uses For My Body After Hysterectomy

Why let it just go to waste?

In a few months I will be getting a hysterectomy, and will find myself with a big empty space where my uterus used to be. It seems silly to just leave it barren and dormant, so I’ve come up with some ideas for how best to utilise the former womb room.

1) Packed lunches - I can keep it like a lunch box with compartments for sandwiches, snacks and a drink.

2) Use it to smuggle messages for the revolution - This one comes courtesy of Katie Simpson who suggested that I could live my dreams of becoming a female Hercules Mulligan.

3) Open a hipster eatery called Eating Out - Try and tell me you didn’t do a dirty laugh at that. Our best selling sandwich will be the Pepperoni, Mushroom, and Tomato.

4) Pop up shop - It can sell gifts, knick-knacks, and jewelry with vaginas on them.

5) Cat Hotel - I can hire it out for people to keep their cats in when they go on holiday. Unfortunately the cats would have to be declawed though, or wear mittens.

6) Boom box - Install a speaker and an iPod dock and be a hit at any party.

7) Wine cooler - For those days when I really need a glass of wine I can get some ice and have my own built in chiller.

8) Mobile Library - I always struggle to carry books in my bag, but now I could carry several.

9) Money box - I always talk about how I should save up my spare change and now I can! I could even get a sorter so it’ll help me save different amounts.

10) Cheese churner - It’s no secret I love cheese, so what’s better than making my own?

Any more ideas for what I can do with the empty lot in my abdomen?