It’s Not Me, It’s You

Letting go is a mental, spiritual, and physical battle.

Kat Kou
May 6 · 3 min read

Sometimes it’s better to end something and try to start something new, rather than imprisoning yourself in hoping for the impossible.

— Karen Salmansohn

We all have toxic relationships in our lives and sometimes we hold onto them, even if it means sacrificing our own growth and happiness. While we shouldn’t invest our energy into the things that are not healthy for us, we still tend to cling onto them because it’s comfortable. Or maybe we like the uncertainty of it.

The key to becoming a mental powerhouse is to recognize your own self-worth and break free from the relationships that are causing you anxiety, stress, and depression.


Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

It’s okay to detach yourself from negativity.

The first step to letting go of toxic relationships is to simply recognize that you aren’t a bad person for wanting to cut yourself off from negativity. Letting go isn’t the easiest thing to do and sometimes it requires a great deal of strength and self-discipline. However, when you recognize your own value it makes it easier to accept when your relationships become sour.

Signs you’re in a toxic relationship:

  • You are frightened to share your opinions, ideas, and ambitions in life.
  • You invest your time, emotions, effort and money, and get little in return.
  • You celebrate their success and receive no praise when it comes to yours.
  • You feel emotionally drained and exhausted around the relationship.
  • You constantly question whether or not they are good for you.

Photo by DANNY G on Unsplash

Myth: Self-care is selfish.

When you overvalue someone who doesn’t deserve it, you end up placing less value on yourself.

Taking care of yourself is the opposite of being selfish and you should not feel guilty when it comes to saying no. Do not settle for mistreatment and recognize that it’s okay to walk away from a toxic situation. Focus on yourself and do things that nurture your physical, mental, and emotional health.

Oftentimes, placing self-care at the top of your to-do list can help you recenter your priorities and help you communicate your boundaries.


Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Love has no room for pain and confusion.

Sometimes we choose to stay in toxic relationships because we want to be wrong about them. What we don’t realize is that we justify our opinions based on who we want to see them as. We like the idea of them.

If you find yourself investing much more time and energy into a partnership, you might be in an unbalanced relationship. Kelly Campbell, an associate professor of psychology and human development at California State University, says that the best strategy to handle toxic relationships is to “make a concrete list of observations.”

She says that if after making these observations, you feel that things are still “one-sided, you need to communicate your feelings.” However, if they do not make the effort to change after being made aware of the imbalance, the relationship might not be a good fit for your well-being and you should consider moving on.

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The Glossary

The indispensable playbook designed to inspire, encourage, and elevate the female spirit.

Kat Kou

Written by

Kat Kou

“Beneath the makeup and behind the smile, I am just a girl who wishes for the world.”

The Glossary

The indispensable playbook designed to inspire, encourage, and elevate the female spirit.