How Do I Measure Up?

Description versus Comparison

To what? According to who? Does it matter?

Regardless of the grades I earned, the percentage I scored, or the amount of points I racked up, I have been blessed to be intrinsically motivated to learn, self reflect, and constantly aim to be better than I am “right now” according to my standards for what makes a meaningful life. Ultimately, if I have an understanding of what it takes to be good or strong at something, and it’s important to me, then I’m going to aim for that. I am also going to be honest with myself, if I really want to improve or if I come to realize it isn’t worth it to me. There are many things in my life that are constantly a work in progress, and if I were to be evaluated on them “right now” they might not appear to be strengths. But if it’s important to me, I will work hard to get it there, or reflect on why I’m struggling and then embrace the authentic learning that is happening even with my weaknesses. Sometimes because of them. The DESCRIPTION of what it takes to be proficient or strong at something, along with strong teaching towards that target, provide the guidance I need to improve. Ranking me does not. When assessment is used for comparison and judgment it does not feel effective or beneficial.

There are plenty of times in my life where assessment from others made me feel good about myself, and even more when it made me feel bad about myself. I could “play the game” of school well and make the honor roll, get the high GPA, and earn recommendations into the advanced classes and talented and gifted programs. I’ve always loved to learn, and I took summer school by choice every summer, including a prep class for the ACT. However, when the results came in from the actual ACT test, my high school counselor said to me, “What the hell happened to you?” Standardized testing, bubble answer sheets, and high stakes competitions did little for me except leaving me feeling “not good enough.” Exams were not a way for me to show what I learned, they were stressful hoop jumping that often left me feeling scared or stupid. For many students today, I think the anxiety epidemic has resulted from these same feelings.

And yet, my self-doubts and insecurities were only when I didn’t “perform” well on one of those things. So it was because of others’ determination of what the learning should be, how it should be measured, and even what constitutes as “right” or “wrong” that I started to evaluate myself. The “game playing” of what was needed, in what way, in order to earn an A, continued, and the authentic lessons that were occurring in my life that were not graded or evaluated by anyone else but me, were continuing to teach me the more important lessons of my life. No grade attached.

The opportunities I’ve had that were more about the experiences, the process, the journey and not just about the product at the end, have had the greatest impact on me. Even in my choices for professional development, the programs and classes I pursued were driven by passion more than ladder climbing. It wasn’t that I didn’t want rigor; I wanted choice. I was motivated to learn and grow in my interest areas and pursued programs that helped bring out the best in me personally and professionally. Students need the same. Personalized learning, choice, and voice. Assessment in their learning endeavors can be very beneficial if it informs and describes their strengths and weaknesses, not if it ranks and compares them.

My own sense of what matters, reasons why and my own choices and determination to do something about it or not, continue to affect whether or not I feel “good enough” and continue to drive my constant effort to keep improving as a teacher and learner.

What has motivated me to work my hardest has not been the projects or products that had circled criteria in numerous boxes on a rubric in which I didn’t fit. When I had choice and purpose to what I was doing, then the deeper learning happened. Self reflection was (and still is) the most powerful evaluation I did, because it mattered to me and stayed with me. I couldn’t lie to myself about my strengths and weaknesses if the assessments were used for description purposes. The evidence was right in front of me. Instead of answering in order to earn something on a report card, or meet a requirement being imposed by someone else, I answered for my own development of goals and purpose. My choice and purpose behind being a teacher is to help students find value and meaning in their learning. If I want them to make it matter, doesn’t grading them contradict their reasons for doing so, and their willingness to take risks? The more it becomes about “what the teacher wants”, or “what do I need to do in order to earn an A on this?”or a waiting game to “find out” how the performance on something “ranked” all determined by someone else, the less intrinsic the learning seems to become. Usually these standards of measurement and comparison are also created by companies who are making money off of the measurement. What is earned, becomes more important than truly what is learned. Sir Ken Robinson stated, “The problem with assessment is when it’s used as comparison. When they make the measurable important rather than the important measurable.”

We encourage students to: be themselves, take risks, try their best, but then determine an evaluation of multiple standards in the form of one letter grade. As a teacher, we are encouraged to differentiate learning, and personalize instruction, but then grade according to the same standards for everyone on select skills. The hypocrisy is clear. Who defines what’s “good enough”? Basic? Proficient? Or advanced according to WHO? Am I graded on who I am? In a world of individuals, why are we standardized when it comes to measuring what we know or don’t know? Assessments are valuable when we use them to understand ourselves and our learning better. They are a useful tool in self reflection and to guide growth. I hope to continue to explore how to use them in this way more effectively. It is my hope to develop meaningful ways for students to self assess that eliminates the need for a resulting letter grade or score. I feel especially compelled to pursue this since I teach 7th graders creative expression and social emotional learning competencies. We are all works in progress. We are each an individual. There is no need to measure up to anything or anyone, when we are constantly becoming more and more of who we are and who we are meant to be.