Navigating Retirement
Did I Leave My Career Too Soon?
When making the decision to retire or not during the 2021–2022 school year, my mind was on finances, and could we afford to lose my income and most importantly my family health insurance? We met with many advisors and insurance specialists to work out all the ins and outs of retiring. My husband and I discussed the financial situation at length and decided together that we would be okay as long as I subbed to supplement my pension. He had a nice nest egg socked away with our District that I would be able to use to get the District’s single health care plan while he changed to Medicare A, B, and D plus WPS supplemental insurance.
Although I felt better financially, no one actually told me that I needed to prepare emotionally. Some of my retired colleagues from my school said, “Be sure to do something fun on the first day of school to distract yourself,” and “You’re gonna love retirement!” I felt like it was time for me to move on as I was frustrated with the extra duties that were being dumped on teachers, and the administration expected teachers to go it alone when issues of misbehavior arose. I was disillusioned, and I just wanted to teach and be with kids, but that was becoming more and more of a challenge as new initiatives were being added. I thought I would feel so relieved to retire.
I wanted to stay connected with my GMWP peers, so I eagerly signed up to be a thinking partner for Teacher Leadership in Writing Year Long Institute, grading essays for the National Writing Project, and also to be a counselor for the Young Writers Camp.
All through June and July, people kept asking me, “How does it feel to be retired?” I would generally answer, “I’m not sure yet. I usually have the summer off. I am reading more adult novels than I did in past summers because I’m not planning curriculum or trying to keep up with the new YA literature for school.” But I truly wasn’t sure how I felt about being retired. It didn’t seem real yet.
But no one mentioned that I’d have all this extra time in August when I wasn’t preparing my classroom, my lessons, my get-to-know-you activities. I really missed the preparation stage. Lots more than I thought I would. Who knew? I did not miss all of the tedious meetings of inservice or the blood borne pathogens and other videos all staff needed to view before Oct. 1st. But I sure I missed my teacher friends. I missed getting together for lunch during inservice and talking about our new class lists. I really missed not having a classroom to decorate and prepare for the students. And I missed the first days of school. I felt left out.
So I threw myself into making a WeVideo presentation for the first Daily Log of the Teacher Leadership in Writing Year Long Institute in the fall. I accidentally signed up for the first session of the year totally forgetting that I’d be in Italy for that first meeting. I did, however, feel like I had a purpose as I was making this video.
For the first time in my life, I was able to go on vacation in September. It was the first year ever that I wasn’t in school as a student or a teacher. It felt surreal. My husband and I enjoyed Italy for 17 days. And we also booked a vacation in early March for a Caribbean cruise. First time ever not having to schedule a vacation during spring break.
In October a friend from Arizona texted me a TED talk on retirement. 4 Phases of Retirement I didn’t listen to it for about a month. But when I did, it hit me hard. Dr. Riley Moynes, an author, generated his own four phases of retirement after interviewing many retirees and discussing retirement with his friends. His TED talk was an eye opener for me. When he first retired, he tried to answer the question, “How do you squeeze all the juice out of retirement?” He said he felt lost, and I agreed with him as I felt unfocused like I needed a stricter schedule, or some important work to accomplish. When he said there are four distinct phases that most retirees move through, I was wondering if they were similar to the stages of grief.
Phase one is the vacation phase. He says it lasts about a year. Initially, I did enjoy getting to sleep in if I wanted to, doing whatever I wanted to during the day, and even reading all day. Then, of course, going on vacation in Italy was the vacation of Phase One, literally. Even though during August I had felt his Phase Two sneaking up on me: loss and being lost. My Phase One definitely didn’t last for a whole year. In fact, I moved into Phase Two right after our Italian adventure. Dr. Mosley asserts that during Phase Two retirees lose “The Big Five”: routine, sense of identity, work relationships, a sense of purpose, and a loss of power.
Subbing was not at all what I expected. I naively thought that since I was only subbing in my former District, that it would be a cinch. My first day subbing was for the teacher who had replaced me, so I was in my old classroom. My high expectations were dashed immediately by the defiant attitudes I encountered that day. Kids were downright disrespectful. Plus I had COVID and had to teach with a mask on. It certainly was not at all what I had anticipated. The best part was teaching again with my same team of teachers, and as an added bonus, dozens of 8th graders who I had as students in 7th grade heard I was in the building and came over to say hello to me.
Continuing to sub during the first semester only heightened my feelings of loss. Many of my former colleagues had new inside jokes that I didn’t understand. They spoke of new initiatives, complained about administration, and told me how lucky I was to be retired. But I didn’t feel lucky. Again, I felt left out, left behind, used up.
In February a friend who needed a longer term sub for the month of February into March, asked me to take her classes. I loved this assignment as I was able to get to know the students. It felt like real teaching again, AND since she was one of my PLC partners for the past three years, I even taught one of the units I’d helped develop. I was thrilled to get to teach some of the lessons I had developed in the past. We went on our Caribbean cruise the day after this job ended.
But as the school year progressed, I became more and more restless. I couldn’t quite place my feelings of discontent. I grew up in a family of hunters and fishermen. Everyone loved these pastimes, but I always felt out of place, like I didn’t belong. I couldn’t quite understand the excitement they all felt. I did enjoy eating the fruits of their labors though. My first year retired kind of felt like fishing with my family. I never quite knew what I was supposed to be doing. I picked the wrong lures, the wrong part of a lake, the wrong pole. Why was this so hard for me when all of my relatives appeared to have it down like pros? Why was retirement so hard for me, when my husband and many of my friends appeared to navigate retirement with ease?
One spring day at the public library, I saw an Indeed advertisement for a job at one of the Madison public libraries, so I applied for it. I had several interviews for library jobs and also for being a private tutor. In August I was offered a job as a library page at my local public library. So begins my jaunt into Phase Three of retirement, a time of trial and error when retirees begin searching for how to make their life meaningful again. Even though I didn’t get to start this job until October, so far it has given me purpose, and I love what I’m doing. According to Dr. Moynes during this phase, people need to keep trying and experimenting until they find something that will make them want to get up in the morning. The library has filled that need for me. We shall see where the next phase takes me.
