Under Pressure
Not the groovy Queen tune
Maybe there is some truth behind the old athletic adage of performing best under pressure. Maybe not. Either way, my friends, the pressure is on. It is now twelve years into my teaching career at Palmyra-Eagle Middle School and I am quickly learning that so many practices I thought were best, really are not. My teaching world was turned a little upside down, tilted on its axis, causing me to completely lose my footing. Usually I am one to pick myself up and carry on the directed path; however, as I stare down the beginning of another school year, the pressure is ratcheting up. This guided path is not so stable. What was it Robert Frost said? But I digress…let me back up a little. Where did this pressure come from?

I began my teaching adventure as most do, taking education courses at Colorado State University. After a couple years, you do a little practicum work and then it’s go time — student teaching! However, there’s where my adventure took a turn. I knew I wasn’t ready. I had seen those teachers in front of students, with their perfect lessons, the students all sitting quietly in rows…I watched the magic they worked. I really and truly thought these people had their shit together. One close look at me and it was clear I did not. Little did I know it would be more like pulling back the curtain to find the great Wizard of Oz is really merely a cowardly, common man. We really were in all of this together.
But I hit the panic button. I couldn’t do it. I told the university that I wanted my English degree and was bailing out on the teaching license. Through a lot of wayward meandering and a thousand miles later, I found myself later taking these same education courses, only this time at a graduate level at University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. It really was go time for me now. I could do this. Right?
I stumbled along as most first-year teachers do. Keeping afloat with help from the internet, books, and those super handy worksheets. It was enough to get by for a couple years and steady my stance. I then decided to get more adventurous and push the content further, beyond the multiple choice or carefully scripted writing. As I began to do this I realized the answer keys online and in the back of books suddenly weren’t enough anymore. The big question became how do I grade these kids? How do they show me they are learning the material?
Enter the marvel of rubrics. They seemed so perfect! They had categories and a scale that would show that the student was either utterly brilliant or a complete and utter failure. Beautiful! I didn’t have to tell them that, the rubric did it for me! I even spent years carefully crafting some of these rubrics so that I felt they were “fair” and “totally justified.” Does your essay have a clear thesis statement? Check. It uses transitions to make it sound ever so smooth? Check. Introductory statement followed by main ideas and details? Check, check, and check. And on, and on, and on. Never mind the fact that I was just backing students into a corner and making them play the game of school. I was telling them, do exactly as this rubric says and you will get your A. Did you truly strengthen your writing, push your boundaries, and exhibit learning? I don’t know. There wasn’t a column for that on my fancy rubric.

So now, we panic. Something that was so right suddenly feels all wrong. It’s time to explore what the role of assessment in education, and more importantly how it impacts the writing in my classroom. I need to look into questions that had, sad to say, never entered my mind before:
— What do I need to do to make sure students are developing writing skills and not just getting a grade?
— Can I provide students some choice in what writing skills they develop at what time?
So now this new adventure begins with The Greater Madison Writing Project serving as my guide — pushing me, yet also assisting me along my way. I’ve pulled the proverbial curtain back to expose myself, unsure but excitable. I am heading into this school year feeling like it’s my first all over again; however, I have twelve years of experience to help keep me afloat as I use that enthusiasm to search for solutions that will help my students, my school, my colleagues, and to help me feel I can help students use writing to make a difference in their lives. Because that, my friends, is the kind of check list I want.

