A Glimpse into a Previous Incarnation (Gnosis, or the Heart of an Angel. Part one. Chapter 29)
2016–2017: A Deluge of Difficulties
The year 2016 slipped by almost unnoticed. I seldom saw my spiritual guides in my dreams anymore, and my waking hours were consumed by medical treatments and a battle for my health. Despite everything, I never lost the sensation of being continuously connected with them. Whenever I thought of Michael or Jesus, I felt their enduring love, which I returned in kind. This love served as my lifeline, my thread of Ariadne, unbroken even during the darkest, most challenging days and nights, even when I saw nothing ahead but despair, disability, and pain. I found myself losing control of my consciousness. Negative thoughts raced incessantly through my head, with grim events constantly unfolding before my eyes. I was haunted by a relentless stream of past hurts, remembering every negative incident that had ever happened to me. It was as if all the trauma that had built up over the course of my life was surfacing, relentless and suffocating.
Despite my best efforts to hide my illness from my family, I am not certain if I succeeded. There was rarely a day without tears. Sometimes they flowed involuntarily, even when I wasn’t crying. My youngest son’s health also began to deteriorate, adding to my burden. Decisions needed to be made, yet my mind was in a constant whirl, making focused thought near impossible. I pleaded with God to confine this misfortune to me alone and spare my children and husband from its fallout. Within just a year, I felt like I’d lost everything — my health, my job, my role as a mother, and as a wife. There were days and months where getting out of bed was an insurmountable task, and even when I managed to, I could barely navigate the room with the aid of a cane or crutches. I could no longer give my children and husband the attention they deserved. There were moments when life itself felt unbearable, I didn’t want to live anymore, yet it was the thought of my children that stopped me from succumbing to despair.
One night, Michael appeared in my dream, this time in the form of a young man.
- Do you want me to take you? — he asked.
- You know I’m not ready and can’t leave my family, — I replied, a bit confused, and then woke up.
Autumn 2016: A Glimpse into a Previous Incarnation
My husband and I have been debating about the concept of soul reincarnation. As an Orthodox Christian, he doesn’t delve much into such matters and aligns with the church’s position. Given his indifference, I humorously suggested:
- Well, I will dream about your past life and then tell you about it!
I didn’t take my words seriously at that moment, but surprisingly, I had a dream about it: I found myself standing beside a well. A woman, clad in black, stood in front of me, gesturing towards the well and instructing:
- Jump into this well. Instead of water, you’ll find a tunnel inside. This tunnel will lead you to a small wooden door. If you open that door, you can see the past life of anyone you desire.
Embracing her words, I leapt into the well. From its depths, a narrow, dark, curving tunnel emerged. I moved headfirst through this moss-laden passage, damp and burrow-like, until I reached a small wooden door. As I prepared to open it, a thought occurred: ‘Since my husband doesn’t show interest in his past life, maybe I should explore mine!’
Keeping this thought in mind, I open the door and step into a sun-drenched field. The brilliant sun causes me to squint! The landscape is blanketed with fields of lush green grass. I see myself as a young man. I have the same hair and eyes, I note to myself. I’m aware that I’m English. Looks like it’s 19th century. I belong to a high-ranking English aristocratic family with colonies in India. This time, I am in India. I sprint across the field and notice a crowd gathering on the opposite side. It’s a royal tiger hunt! Elegantly attired ladies sit under parasols, exchanging pleasantries. Nearby stand elephants adorned in vibrant costumes with their Indian caretakers, also donned in colourful traditional attire. The grandeur of the gathering is palpable. The British aristocracy has assembled. My family is amongst them, but a glimpse of them fills my heart with melancholy and ennui. I know I have a guru somewhere, and I feel an urge to run towards him.
The image then fades, and I sense that after the death of my physical body and before being born in my current life, my soul is engaged in a conversation, attempting to prove something. A voice responds to me:
- You will be born into unfavorable conditions. You will be a woman born in a country where God is absent. If you succeed in understanding your true essence, then…
At this point, the dream ends and I wake up. What astonishes me most is the reference to Georgia, a deeply religious country, as godless. Yet, considering that it was a communist country when I was born, it was indeed atheistic. Was the vision I saw in my dream accurate? Could it be that my affection for Europe and India, and for Christianity and the Vedas, indeed originate from a previous life?
