I Quit Drinking For a Month and My Favorite Liquor Store Went Out Of Business And I Can’t Stop Blaming Myself

Giving up drinking wasn’t easy. Like with so many other people in their 20s, alcohol had a huge influence on my social life and relationships with others. But when it got to the point where I felt like I needed a glass or two of pinot noir every night after work, I decided it was time to take a break.

Then, just a few weeks later Don’s Beer and Liquor went out of business, and now I can’t help but feel I’m responsible.

Quitting Was Hard And The Guilt Was Worse

Laying off the booze was tough. It’s not just that I enjoyed drinking, but also that it was a huge hassle having to constantly explain myself and be the guy who had to say ‘no thanks’ when offered a drink. But none of these feelings came close to the gut-wrenching remorse I experienced when I passed by Don’s on the way to my new meditative yoga class and saw the ‘going out of business’ sign.

That wasn’t my fault, was it?

But Now I Feel Great, Minus The Persistent Self-Blaming And Feeling I’ve Ruined A Man’s Life

The first change I noticed after drinking was that I had more energy. No more hangovers, toxins, or excessively late nights. This is the best I’ve felt in years, apart from the ever-present, nagging sense that a man’s life has been destroyed it’s somehow my fault.

Rationally, I know I’m not the reason Don’s closed. But that doesn’t make it any less painful as I sit here now, sipping down a cold pressed Lean Screamin’ Green Monster at Citrus Juicery, wondering what might have been if I’d just picked up few more craft-brewed sampler packs at Don’s along the way.

No — I’m being crazy. He would have gone out of business with or without me — right?

Plus I Saved A Ton of Money, And Now Don’s Daughters Can’t Go To College

Another thing about drinking most people don’t realize is that it gets expensive, and taking a month off really made a big difference when it came time to pay that electric bill. I could easily shell out upwards of $100 in a single weekend, which over time can really add up.

It adds up, but like, not to the extent that it could forever derail the life aspirations of two teens whose family has suddenly experienced a devastating economic hardship, yeah?

No, I’m fine.

I Got In Way Fewer Fights, Just As The Emotional Burden From A Financial Emergency Began to Erode Don’s Marriage

People say a lot of dumb shit when they’re drunk, and it’s crazy how big a difference not getting plastered can make. Nothing strains a relationship more than pointless drunk arguments, except for maybe the kind of arguments that arise when the sole financial provider for a family is out of work, and two people who have happily loved each other for 30 years begin to wonder how they’ll continue to survive.

I should have never quit drinking.