Don’t fix what’s wrong. Focus on what’s right.
I struggle with balancing self-awareness, self-critiquing, self-improvement and just accepting me for the way I am (harder and harder these days thanks to Instagram, inspirational co-workers and successful girlfriends). There’s always something that could be ‘fixed’ or that I could do better or new skills I should acquire. Most of us know that having goals is important and self check-ins are a must for personal growth. Areas checked off as “room for improvement” may include how I react to a situation, perform a piece of choreography or how I communicate in group meetings.
However, this frame of thinking is forward-looking, always looking around the corner for the next occurrence and how I can do it better next time. This is naturally how I’m programmed — do, do, do, while simultaneously thinking of what’s yet to come. Lately, however, I have been thinking less about getting to the next stage or completing my next grand feat and thinking about what it means to be present while still striving for growth and development. This frame of mind first came about when I was at my Saturday three-hour-long dance class.
We typically have a new teacher for each of the three hours where they teach us a combo (choreography) and the styles of dance vary from hip-hop to jazz to modern to street jazz. As I find common in Spain, one of the teachers cancelled at the last minute and the leader of our dance formation (Sara Sanchez — check her out!) decided to work with us on something else — self-reflection. Dance is so many different things to so many different people but I think most can agree it is a form of self expression and being the best dancer you can be is a combination of letting the music speak through your body and the self-love/confidence to let that happen. So to reflect on these things, Sara asked us two questions:
- Do you tend to look to try new things and face new challenges? OR
- Do you work to get better at what you already know?
If you answered 1) then you stood on the right side of the room and if you answered 2) you stood on the left. Aside from the fact that most people probably do a combination of the two, you were meant to choose what you typically tend to do more often.
What side of the room do you stand on? (I actually want to know so write a comment below!)
For myself I walked over to stand on the right. For as much as I criticize myself on things that I do and should be better at, I find I think on it often but rarely put together a plan to act on it other than “just be better” or “try harder” or “keep at it”. What I tend to focus on are new things I can try that will increase the amount of things I am capable of doing.
Jacqueline of all trades, master of none.
In this sense, I fall into the quantity over quality realm. Fortunately I know why I do this too. And this I call beginner’s luck. I seem to perform above average when I try something for the first time when compared to other novices doing the same thing. The high is short-lived and quickly thereafter is when I hit my ceiling…. or plateau.
Now to give myself a bit of credit, maybe being versatile isn’t such a bad thing and maybe that’s one of my strengths but going back to self-improvement, shouldn’t I then be focusing on improving the things I don’t do well? Unfortunately, now I have fallen back into the future mindset of attaining what I currently don’t have today. So what is a way I can feel present yet continue to strive for growth? Well, contrary to what I feel I practice and most of us have been taught… what if I focus on what I already have naturally and develop that?
A Gallup study found that there’s significant potential in developing what is innately right with people versus trying to fix what’s wrong with them. So it looks like I should switch and stand on the left side in line with those who chose question #2, take it one step further and work to get better at what I’m already good at — develop my strengths. An article from Harvard Business Review discusses the benefits of taking this practice to the workplace and how it can increase employee engagement, which can lead to up to 15% increase in engagement and up to 29% increase in profits. It seems so obvious that this is what we all should be doing that I’m shocked it’s not. I know I feel most confident and useful when I’m working on things that I do well. Part of this is the feedback or ‘props’ I get from a job well done but then there’s also the aspect of feeling confident that allows myself to think outside the box and push boundaries.
So how come we have mostly been taught to fix what’s wrong with us instead of focus on what’s right? I think a big part of it is that we don’t all know what it is we are good at. Most of us associate being good at something to doing something that comes naturally and effortlessly. However what does that mean for people who don’t fall into the Beyonce category of having been blessed with easily definable talents and strengths?
Or someone like myself who hasn’t specialized in one area and has focused on many? Damn, I sure hope being versatile counts as a strength! This search for my strengths has led me to two places: 1) a book and 2) travel.
So starting in order, the book is called Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath and comes with a personalized strengths assessment. After I completed the assessment I wasn’t necessarily surprised by the results but it helped put some structure/definition to my strengths. Just so that my boss knows, *cough* *cough* I am strong at the following:
- Restorative — good at dealing with problems
- Futuristic — inspired by what could be, forward thinking
- Activator — good at turning thoughts into actions
- Relator — work well with others
- Responsibility — I take psychological ownership of what I say I will do
Sounds like business development is a good place to be ;) The second place my search has led me is to travel (and I’m talking about immersed travel.… aka spend more than a week in a city/country outside of North America… and no, resorting doesn’t count). Now this may sound odd, but I have found the best place for self-discovery is on the road. Traveling allows you to remove yourself from your comfort zone, the everyday routine and familiar friend/family groups. When I don’t have those factors weighing in on my thoughts and actions, I allow myself to become a different version of me and actually be present….. I travel, therefore I am (new slogan? haha).
Travel has always been the best remedy to get my head straight by learning about other people’s cultures and their experiences. Trying new things and hearing new people’s perspectives opens doors to realizing things about myself and a lot of times realizing the things I am good at — my strengths. These experiences abroad also allow me to just be — to feel grounded and present. So with that in mind and without looking too far ahead, expect to see me in Mexico or Columbia working on my strong side!
Michelle is part of the Business Development team at Remote Year, a year-long program that allows professionals to travel the world while working remotely for their current employer.
