Cut it off or keep it…and the occasional guilt that comes with choice …
The easiest way for me to short circuit ‘getting rid of the dye’ would be to have a haircut. I mean a ‘big deal’ haircut, not just a wee ‘take the ends off’ kind of haircut (the one I usually opt for).
Every now and then I contemplate doing it. Getting it chopped into the wood.
Like the other day, when I was out running on a scorching hot, humid Saturday along with around 400 other (some might say crazy) folk competing in the Devil o’ the Highlands footrace.
My thick, wavy — no, not wavy, frizzy — auburn ponytail bobbed back and forward while the sweat gushed from every gland on my boiling hot multi-coloured head for every one of the 42 miles.
No matter how many times I dunked myself in a burn or soaked my buffs in a stream (steady — a buff’s a sort of head scarf for outdoorsy stuff), I found it really difficult to cool down. I can’t tell you how envious I felt of my fellow runners who had feather cuts! Every time a short haired person passed me I looked on with longing and silently (ok, maybe not always so silently) cursed my long, thick hair…
But then the race was over and all thoughts of chopping off my ponytail, and thinning out what’s left, vanished. Because I’m so used to having long hair. And the thought of having short hair again, for what would be the first time in a very long time, sort of scares me! Sounds ridiculous, I know.
I’m so used to having hair that falls down to my shoulders, and even when it’s tied back there are strands that hang down and envelop my face. The thought of not having it like that makes me think about the feeling you have when you’ve moved into a new house and haven’t put the blinds or curtains up yet.
Exposed. Vulnerable.
Yet, I’ve lived in flats and houses where I’ve ended up not hanging any window coverings — because I got so used to the wide open space and light shining in. And, I’ve had short hair before and kind of liked it at the time. And, I love the look of short hair on other people! So, maybe there’s something to be said for seriously thinking about having the chop after all!
But then, what would I write about here? I’d have gone completely grey in one fell swoop, leaving me nothing much else to say on my ‘Going Grey (again) journey!
Or would it?
There’s so much more to say about our relationship with hair than the dilemma over whether to ditch the dye or not.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have hair on my head at all, no matter its length, and to have the luxury of making choices around its length and colour. I sometimes feel guilty for fretting over things that must appear trivial to people who don’t have those choices to make.
We can lose our hair for many different reasons, one of the most common being a result of chemotherapy, and a recent chat with my lovely friend Ann underlined there’s no ‘one experience and emotions fits all’ when it comes to hair loss.
I guess I made the assumption that everyone like Ann, who’s experienced losing her hair, wouldn’t want to read a series of articles whose premise is primarily a light-hearted trek along one woman’s ‘going grey’ journey. I guess I assumed that she, and others, might feel angry or upset that someone who was lucky enough to have their hair, and never to have experienced losing all of their hair, would think that struggling with its colour (or length…) was something worth fretting over.
And that may well be the case for some of the women who’ve read what I’ve written so far.
But not for Ann. And what she helped me realise is that the strands of everyone’s hair stories deserve to be tended to. The strands to her own story are indeed varied and fascinating, and definitely deserve re-visiting (which I’ll do at a later date).
It’s important to acknowledge that losing our hair is a very much more complex and emotionally challenging issue than something like going grey. But that doesn’t mean that the wide spectrum of issues that hair, or hair loss, raise can’t be explored on the same page.
So, for now, I’m keeping my long hair and I’ll continue to share my progress as I walk further down the salt and pepper road. But if I do change my mind and decide to plump for a pixie cut, the stories won’t stop — there’s always going to be plenty to explore around our relationship with our head and our hair.
Though, if I do get it cut really short, then find myself wishing I’d left the curtains hanging, the title of this blog might have to change to ‘Growing It Long (again)’….
