Moving to Jakarta Part 4: A Letter to My Younger Self
Finding a life to be proud of.
Dear younger me of two years ago,
At the risk (or rather certainty) of being cliche, I’m still gonna say it — time really flies.
How was the GSB graduation two months ago by the way? Bittersweet, huh? I hope you cherished those moments because it’ll be the last time you see many of those friends for a while.
I know exactly what you’re doing right now: you’re preparing yourself, physically and emotionally, for your upcoming move to Indonesia. It’s pretty daunting, I know. As someone who never really lived outside of the United States (being born in Korea but then moving to the US at the age of four doesn’t really count, let’s be honest), you have no clue what to expect. You don’t know what you don’t know. But the actual decision to move wasn’t too hard, right? I know, it surprised me too — that once we finally committed to the decision and we spoke our destiny into the universe, how suddenly the burden left our shoulders. It just felt right; and in that came a calm confidence about what lay ahead. That confidence will remain your guiding light, so although it may waver from time to time, make sure to protect it at all costs.
Let’s see — you’re currently also in the process of buying the engagement ring? You think she’ll like it? Make sure it doesn’t get damaged during your long trip to Jakarta — in a sock in a shoe in our carry-on luggage worked for me. But jeez, who knew how complex picking out a diamond is… forget ChatGPT, the world needs DiamondGPT! Oh right, you don’t know what ChatGPT is yet. I’ll explain that in a future letter…
Speaking of engagement, fun fact: it’ll happen sooner than you think. I know right now you think there’s no point in rushing, but after you experience her empathy and care from the moment you land in Jakarta, you’ll realize you were silly to even consider otherwise.
Not just that though. In the US, when someone is thinking about proposing, first they get the blessings of their significant other’s parents in a relatively casual conversation, and then weeks (or months) later is the actual engagement proposal. That’s how it works everywhere, right? Wrong! Turns out that in Indonesia, the ‘getting the blessings from the parents’ conversation IS the engagement proposal pretty much.
So one day in December you’ll be having the ‘blessings’ conversation with Maudy’s parents, not expecting much drama, and you’ll have this one moment where you think to yourself “wow that was surprisingly intense… wait, why are people crying??” Well, now you know. It’s because you’re engaged now! Luckily you’re totally fine with that, but it certainly is a surprise.
So that’s why it’ll happen sooner than you think.
Let me give you an update on my end. It’s been almost two years in Jakarta and I’m adjusting pretty well overall, though it’s not without its challenges. There are some things that I don’t have here that we used to take for granted; for example, clean air is unfortunately kinda rare where I live. Plus, my skin has really not been happy with the constant heat and humidity. These things make it hard to enjoy all the outdoor activities that we used to love back in California like swimming and playing basketball and going for hikes.
Of course, something else we used to take for granted is just effortlessly talking to people. It’s not just about being bad at bahasa; the cultural nuances, idioms, sentence structures, they’re all different and confusing. I swear, I think I spend 20% of my brainpower every day just making sure I’m speaking as clearly as possible and listening as hard as possible. You know the Duolingo you’ve been doing… I’d double down on that if I were you.
But Jakarta is also really exciting. It kind of reminds me of our time in San Francisco in the early 2010’s — the city felt young and so alive, just like Jakarta is for me now. Everyone is thinking about their next big thing and how to shape their destiny; the rules are still unwritten. It’s chaos in a good way. It feels like anything is possible in this city! And the dynamism of my career here thus far, while certainly disorienting at first, fits this motif perfectly.
I’ve had a wonderful time getting to know the people here too. I’m relatively still a foreigner so I don’t have strong friend groups yet, but what is lacking in depth is made up for in breadth. People often say “everyone knows everyone in Jakarta” and for that I’m grateful; I love that folks here are so familial and friendly. It’s honestly quite different from the individualistic culture of the US, and I find it refreshing. You will too. You’ve always loved that feeling when you connect really well with someone you didn’t expect to, right? Here, it basically happens all the time.
As I introspect, I realize that there’s something about us that I’m really grateful for: our perseverance and self-reliance. We’ve become used to big moves, haven’t we? We grew up in LA, we could have stayed in beautiful comfortable California forever, but we moved to New York City for college without an inkling of what to expect. Then from NYC to San Francisco: we again left behind our friends and home, chasing our next chapter in life. Back in California — maybe we’ll be there for good? No; destiny beckoned to us yet again, this time to Boston. Then business school. And now halfway across the world to Indonesia, our biggest move yet. I love how fearlessly and proudly we’ve ventured into the unknown in search of our fullest potential, that miraculous next adventure.
But this time, that adventure comes with a side of guilt. Particularly when it comes to our parents. You’ll become acutely aware that most of our time together on this Earth is behind us, and as that precious time becomes more and more scarce, that we make a conscious decision every day to be so far apart. Every time you see them on your screen, you’ll be unpleasantly surprised at how quickly they seem to age. You’ll worry about scenarios where being over 24 hours away is too far and too late. And you’ll wonder if this is how our parents imagined their lives to turn out: sacrificing so much for us to grow up in the US, only for us to leave them in their golden years.
At a deeper level, you’ll even wrestle with a vague guilt that you’re abandoning your own identity. We had family, we had friends, we had hobbies and routines. We had a life that we left behind in pursuit of another. You’ll become anxious that the further you lean into this new adventure, the more you lose your old self. Even as I write this letter to you, I feel like I’m a different person from you. And sometimes, that feeling can be unsettling, like the floor upon which I stood has suddenly fallen out from underneath me.
But I’m learning to embrace that guilt and discomfort — it’s the fundamental human condition after all. How can one truly appreciate their blessings without being reminded of the costs? Or experience adventure without walking out the door? Grow without risk? Isn’t life better lived embracing the highs and the lows, thoroughly celebrating our triumphs and sitting in our defeats, taking it day by day? And these experiences, they make me better.
That tattoo we have on our arm, the one with waves and palm trees against the backdrop of a rising sun, means something more to me than it does to you. When you look at it, you see the symbol of perseverance which we drew many years ago. When I look at it though, I now also see the coastline of California, reminding me of where we’re from and of the journey we’ve taken to get here. And just like a beautiful scenic drive down the Pacific Coast Highway, it’s the twists and turns, the brightness of the sun contrasting with the shadows it casts, that excites the senses and makes life worth living.
So in just a couple months you’ll board that plane to Indonesia for the first time. I still vividly remember the anticipation I felt in the car to the airport, going through the checklist over and over in my head (you better not have an expired passport this time!), the unexpected sadness while waving goodbye to our parents, and how I couldn’t help but crack a big smile as I settled into my seat on the plane. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it! I hope you’ll take it all in, this once-in-a-lifetime moment.
I’ve realized that it’s not about chasing fleeting happinesses, but rather about living a life that we’ll look back and be proud of. Life is just too short to do otherwise. Well, get ready — you’ll face some of your greatest satisfactions and greatest frustrations here, but along the way you’ll realize that this is the proudest chapter of your life story yet.
See you soon.
With love and undying support,
Jesse
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