Sabres have utmost confidence in puppet hire Jason Botterill says GM Jack Eichel

Sabres General Manager Jack Eichel says he believes Jason Botterill is the perfect man for the fake job.

“Jason brings a ton of hockey knowledge and experience to this organization, and I can’t wait for him to start using his skill set in a way precisely dictated by me” said Eichel.

Eichel, the star player and recently self-appointed Buffalo GM (by what he describes as “divine snipe theory”), explained that during their search the Sabres considered tons of highly qualified candidates for the position of being a meaningless figurehead puppet.

“After looking around we just all became really excited by the direction that Jason can take this team“ Jack told us, seated upon a throne made out of hockey tape and empty Bud light bottles in the locker room.

He on went to add “and if it’s a direction I don’t like, well Jason has seen the fate of those who failed before him” as two strikingly familiar new water boys, Tim and Dan, worked diligently to create a moat of dip spit around GM Jack’s throne.