Gonzo 26

CannIgettahWhitness-UH

Art By The Midwestern Smokers Club

(.Y.)

I feel so goddamn pathetic today

Empty

Dried out

ashy

and unkempt

Didn’t even step one toe outside

instead stayed inside

masturbating unpassionately ejaculating on my torso

while watching gameplay videos on my couch

a lizard scurried across my living room floor

every dish in my house is piled in my sink

my trash can stinks

I have no food to eat

Theres a smushed dead roach carcas on the floor

its guts are evaporated

the ants of last week have moved out

after invading my unclosed trailmix

I didn't like it anyway

Tired and weary

a profound feeling of disgust washes over me for those outside of my house

and supreme hatred for the body outside my mind

At the bar yesterday (I still drank Heineken zero I still intend to be sober)

I joked with a man sitting to my left

Akim

“I decided to start working out this year, because I’m tired of looking at myself naked thinking I look like someones ex wife”

He laughed robustly

“You’re killing me tonight bruddah!”

Then brief excitement crossed my mind

I could kill me tonight

But I have work on Tuesday

The very attractive bartender said,

I love it when my two favorite customers get along

Akim blushed and radiated hope

I smiled politely

But scoffed internally

I had asked her out on a date maybe a week before and she agreed

We traded Instagrams and planned to go to a play

“For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow Is Enuf”