A Bird Trapped in a Cage: Longing for Freedom
Even on my best days, when I try to write, my mind speaks to me in words I don’t understand. The words get stuck in the story, and I can’t sit in this garden and project them onto the blank page in front of me. I saw a mother hugging her little girl. His arms surrounded him like protective wings, soft and warm like feathers. His daughter’s little face was pressed to his heart. Then I miss you, sad, alone, hurt, misunderstood. I knew that one day you wanted to spread your wings under the warmth of the sun. You want to fly. There were no limits. They will break through the walls of this suffocating cage and reach heaven.
I question my desire to write this, to write these painful words.
However, I had to write this for a little girl who had no idea that this version of herself wanted to come back and hug her so tightly. After staring at the blank page for a few minutes, I filled it with strange lines and shapes. Finally I looked up from my book and saw you next to me. Just when I thought I had no words, before I could think, they came out.
I loved you for over three decades before I knew what love meant. I see you avoiding my gaze. Even when you look away, the sunlight illuminates your face and highlights your beautiful brown skin. It inspires you to embrace this magnificent goddess, even if you are ashamed of her light. When I look into your eyes all I see is emptiness. You didn’t understand what you were looking for, what your mind, your heart and your body wanted: a human being trying to breathe as life slowly fades away. I now understand that you need to spend time in this room. You saw the world as it was and it helped you plan your escape.
I never left you.
I may have felt alone at times, but I promise I was there. If only you knew that I was still inside you. I remember every path we took. We took some of them over the sea. We traveled to different states, earned degrees, and made great friends. The relationship you had to work on the most was the relationship with yourself.
A bird flies next to me
jumping from branch to branch and serenading us with its song. For a few seconds my face lights up and I quickly turn my attention to you. I can’t imagine life if you don’t know how to love and, above all, love yourself. Back then, she had no idea that life would get better. Little do you know that one day everyone will admire you for your beautiful smile — a trait you never shared as a child. In each photo, you were looking into the camera lens with your lips tightly closed and looking lost. They said you’re blushing, but there’s something missing inside.
Instead of accepting life as it is
one day you looked at your photo and decided you wanted more. I was there when you broke the glass cage. Broken glass is what you leave behind. You haven’t even looked back yet. I went to heaven. I saw feathers falling. They travel through the air before the earth becomes their final resting place: the old giving way to the new. Each feather ended a period of your life that you wanted to leave behind. I stood there proudly, my chest puffed out like a proud mother bird.
You were finally on your way to freedom. I wish you would keep flying and silence the voices that wanted to come back to remind you of your weakness. You knew you deserved more. This time life had meaning. As soon as the sun kissed your skin, its warmth made your heart beat faster. You accepted who you were and smiled, even burst out laughing. You couldn’t explain it, but you knew what it was when you felt it. It was love. It burst inside you like champagne bubbles and made you a better version of yourself.
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Thank you for reading!
